When he moves to take me into his arms, I step back, an arm outstretched to keep him back. “I can’t do this,” I repeat, silently begging him to understand.
A pleading note, as if he’s beggingmeto understand wherehe’scoming from, fills his voice as he says, “You don’t understand. I can’t give you everything that you deserve.”
My anger takes hold and I shout, “Bullshit!”
“Alex,” he warns as if I give a shit anymore.
“No!” I scream, my voice hoarse with the emotions bubbling inside of me. “No. Don’t ‘Alex’ me. Don’t princess, queen or baby. Me.” I tick them off of my fingers before pressing an angry finger into my chest. “You don’t understand, do you? You broke us with your poison. I know you lied that night in your office, it took me a while, but I figured it out. Your actions have shown me everything I needed to know. Everything you’ve done for me has beenenough.”
I swipe at the tears falling down my cheeks. Finding strength I thought I’d lost, I continue, “Jesus. Sebastian, look at everything you did for me after my accident or the little things you did when we lived together. You areenough. You are more than enough. There are so many people in your life that love you and who you love back, so why can't I have your love? If you can’t see how much you deserve to love and be loved then you should walk away. You should leave me alone, because if you can’t give me all of you then you don’t deserve all of me, no matter how much I wish you did.
“You might not want to admit it, but you have loved me, just like I’ve loved you.” I pause, searching for the right words. “You’ve left me heartbroken, and yet, you stand there and ask me to give you another piece of me. Well, you’ve had it all. I’ve got nothing more to give.”
My voice cracks and I pray that he decides to stay. That he truly hears what I’m saying to him. That he’s enough and this is us getting our happy ever after.
“I’m sorry.” His shoulders slump in defeat. “I shouldn't have brought you home.”
And just like that he rips out my heart, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it,again, as he walks out. Ten-year-old Alex, who believed in fairytales and happily ever afters, would be heartbroken, but thirty-year-old Alex just got a stark reminder that happily ever afters don’t exist. At least not for her.
I can’t bear to watch him walk away, but when I hear the door click shut behind him, I collapse into a heap on the floor, my legs unable to keep me upright.
What I wouldn’t give to have the strength to not care. To not feel as if my world has been turned upside down because he walked away.
Somehow, I drag myself into my room, slipping off my heels and peeling off my dress. I don’t bother taking off my ruined makeup, opting to climb under the covers as sobs wrack my body.
Maybe tomorrow I can start to rebuild myself. To fix all the pieces of me he’s broken.
Maybe.
THIRTY-FOUR
Sebastian
Ifucked up.
Again.
THIRTY-FIVE
Sebastian
It’s early when I knock on Cooper’s front door that morning. After I left Alex’s, I went home and tried to sleep but it was no use. Every time I close my eyes all I see is the pain on her face as she bared herself to me.
Despite what she might think, I did hear her.
Something stopped me from stepping up and telling her how I feel, and I need help figuring out what it was.
“What are you doing here this early?” Cooper greets me, a frown on his face.
“Sorry, I should have called.” I run my hand over my forehead, the beginnings of a headache making itself known. “Do you have time for a chat?”
“Uh, sure, come on in. You’ll have to excuse the mess.” He steps back from the doorway, signaling for me to walk in. “Coffee?”
“Sure, thanks. I didn’t wake you did I?” I take in his pajama bottoms and hastily tied up robe as I follow him to the kitchen.
Cooper chuckles. “Not at all. When you have kids you’ll understand that sleeping in isn't a thing.”
Will Alex want kids with me?