Page 164 of The Grand Rise

“Mywife,” I correct, grinning as I take her face in my hands. “I can kiss my beautiful wife.”

And I do.

THIRTY-FIVE

Lance

“So, what, I can’t call you Sullivan anymore?” Elliot asks, slowly walking the length of the dock at our backs with his hands stuffed in his tux pockets. “Lowell-Sullivan seems excessive.”

“Nah, I’m still going to call him asshole,” Mason says from beside me, knocking my shoulder as he hands me the cigar we’re sharing.

“I like Lowell-Sullivan,” Charlie tells me. “It’s professional. Would look good on a building.” He pops his brow at the suggestion.

My eyes settle on the water below us. “I want to get back to work. It’s on the cards, and I’ve spoken to Scarlet about it a little.”

“Do you want your position back at the Ellis and Frey, or are you thinking about starting something else? We can back you if you need a hand getting something off the ground.”

I shake my head, handing Charlie the cigar. “No. I have no plans.” I swallow, rubbing my hands down my thighs. “I have some things I need to work through first. Heavy, messed up shit…”

They go quiet around me, Elliot eventually taking a seat on the edge of the dock next to Mase.

“I’ve struggled a little at times, if I’m being honest, lads. Since being released.”

“Even now?” Elliot asks. “I mean, the first few weeks it was pretty obvious.”

“Expected,” Charlie adds, handing me his drink.

“Yeah. Even now.” I take a sip of the amber liquid, remembering my promise to make it to bed fully conscious tonight. “I’ve had my accident and Waverley to keep my mind busy for the most part, but there are things not so easily forgotten.”

“Do you want to talk about them?”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to.”

My friends sit in silence, but I can hear their minds racing, all trying to find the right thing to say. “I have these dreams—or nightmares, I suppose. They seem to shit me up the most. Brings it all back.”

“Have you thought about speaking to someone about them?” Charlie asks.

“Yeah, Scarlet’s suggested it a couple of times after her own sessions. I get the feeling she doesn’t want to push.”

Mason clears his throat. “I’ve never mentioned it.” He looks between us all. “But both Nina and I have dipped in and out of therapy throughout the years. Talking therapy,” he clarifies. “But they have a ton of methods.”

“There’s a whole load of options,” Charlie agrees.

“I think in my mind, talking about it could make it worse. Like I don’t want to be waking up next to Scar sweating or clawing the sheets, you know?”

“We’ve all been there, mate.” Mason huffs a humourless laugh. “She’d rather you get the help you need than bottle it up.”

“I know.” And I do.

“Well, I’m a pretty perfect man and not the best voice of reason for this conversation.” Elliot breaks the silence that’s settled, making us all chuckle. He reaches across Mase and grasps my shoulder. “But if you ever need someone to talk to or a safe space to just be for a while.” He nods. “You just ask for it.”

“Hear hear,” Mason agrees, wrapping an arm around my neck and pulling me closer.

I see Charlie nodding out of the corner of my eye. “I’m glad you’ve mentioned it to us, Lance.”

I twist my neck to look at him, not mustering the words that I want to.

Because although I can’t say it, I really am thankful to have them.

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