Page 112 of The Grand Ruin: Lance & Scarlet-Part One

Lance smiles and takes the diary, placing it on the blanketed floor in front of him. I take a deep breath in and close my eyes, steeling myself as the last of the evening sun streams in through the open doors.

Lance starts to read aloud.

“I found out that I’m pregnant today. I knew before the doctor told us. I’d secretly known it for weeks.

It was Freya who noticed first, her excitement driving me to prove her wrong with a test I’d purchased from the pharmacy. Seeing those two lines appear shocked me, but that shock very quickly turned into something else. Pregnant—again. Mason is going to have a sibling, someone to share this beautiful life his daddy has worked so hard for.

I wouldn’t tell anyone this, but I think it’s going to be a girl. I’ve thought about it every day since I found out I’m going to be blessed with another child. And although we’re surrounded by men on the estate, Freya and I can’t stop calling the baby in my belly “her.”

I can’t stop imagining it. I’ll be on my way to the nursery, drinking tea in the orangery at Rosestone, or lying out on the meadow with Anthony, and my mind will drift.

Pigtail plaits. Dungarees tucked into wellies. Dresses and skirts.

I want to paint her nails before the school disco. I want to dance in the kitchen on a Saturday morning with her while her brother and dad get mucky out on the grounds with a rugby ball. I want to hold her hand through heartbreak—show her, teach her and myself, that it’s how it’s supposed to be. I want a little girl I can hold on to for a lifetime. A friend—a mother-daughter bond I never had…” Lance trails off, not reading on.

A tear leaks down my temple, my smile fractured as I stare up at the ceiling. I feel Lance shift, moving to mirror my body. He lifts me, easing my head to lie in the crevice of his arm. And then he just holds me for the longest time, my mind reeling over all the entries I’ve had him read. “My dad and I put those up,” I say after a while.

“The glow-in-the-dark stickers?”

“Yep. Mason and Elliot started sleeping out here in the summer, and I used to tell them I’d stay with them wherever they planned a sleepover. They had to call Dad every time to come and get me.”

Lance chuckles, deep and throaty. “It’s pretty fucking creepy out here. I’m surprised Mason and Elliot managed it.”

“It was their favourite place to be for a while.” I smile, reminiscing. My head drops to the side, knowing I need to chase away the heaviness in my chest. “I loved seeing you on the bike earlier. I think I win for the best birthday present this year.”

He lifts a hand and swipes my hair from my face as if silently checking I’m okay.

“You definitely win.” He pulls me closer to his firm chest, and I smooth my hand over his skin. “Thank you will never be enough.”

“Well, if you make me feel the way you did when we first pulled up here every day for like a month, that will be thanks enough.”

“Are you sure, Baby Lowell? You kept moaning at me. I remember vividly, at one point, you said you couldn’t take any more of me.”

A full smile transforms my face. “And yet you continued and proved me wrong.”

He chuckles and gently kisses my forehead, his hand spreading wide over my stomach. “I like working you to your full potential. You take it too well.”

I smile like the angel I am, chuckling.

I want to tell him how grateful I am. How crazy it is to me that with such little effort, he can drag me back from the edge, making me smile as if there’s not something missing and broken inside of me.

“These evenings aren’t long enough,” he mutters, watching through the double doors as the sun sets over the lake. “You’ve made me hate sunsets.” He pinches my nipple, and I take it as a cue to get up, not wanting to start something we can’t finish.

“The sun doesn’t stop you, sex fiend,” I tell him, giggling as I sit up and reach for my summer dress. “You’ve made sundown something I’m not afraid of.” I shrug as I stand, looking down at him lying back with his hand behind his head. “Could be worse.”

“Say that again,” he murmurs.

“What?”

“That you’re not afraid.”

“I’m not afraid… not when I’m with you.”

A small smile creeps across his lips. “Come here.”

“No. We need to get back. If we start again now, we won’t stop.”

“Now, Scarlet.”

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