Page 130 of Grand Love

He looks over his shoulder at me, his concern clear in his eyes. “I appreciate you being there for her this last year. She never would have gotten through it without you.”

“What about you? What got you through it?”

His jaw goes tight, and I know exactly what—or should I say who—got him through it. “A lot of shit happened, Mase.” I throw his words back at him as I carry on eating, giving him an out I’m not even sure he deserves.

* * *

Mase

After cleaningup the dinner dishes, I find Nina leant against the doorframe of Ellis’s room. A frown marred across her forehead as she stands deep in thought.I’m so glad I had the wall knocked out to join our rooms. It’s been a godsend whilst he’s been teething, and I want to keep an eye on him. It gives us our own space without being apart.

I walk up beside her and look into the room.

Sensing her thoughts, I give her an inch, hoping it’s enough.

“I never brought women up here. Not even at my worst.” I can feel her eyes burning through the side of my face, but I don’t dare look at her. “I couldn’t.”

“Why are you telling me this?” she asks, her tone much softer than I expect.

Leaning against the frame opposite her, I lift my eyes to hers. She looks devastated.

“Not to hurt you.”

She sniggers, shaking her head.

Taking her chin, I lift her face to mine. “I need to be honest with you.”

“Not with this.” Her eyes shine, and I get that feeling in my chest. The painful ache that feels like I’m breaking in two. I know we need to do this.

“I’m sorry, Nina.”

“Because you did it or because I found out?”

I let my hand fall away. “You left me.”

She nods, rolling her lips. “So you slept with a horde of women to what? Fix that?”

“Forget, Nina. I did it to forget.”

“Did it work?”

“No.” I drop my head, feeling ashamed. “But I don’t regret it.” Pushing off the frame, I step into her, crowding her. “I never would have survived you, Nina Anderson.” I push her hair off her face. “I still worry I won’t.” I shrug.

“It’s not about surviving, Mase.”

“No?” I laugh in question.

She shakes her head vehemently. “No.”

“Tell me then. What’s it about?”

She lifts her chin, her eyes sure. “Reason.”

I frown. “Reason?”

She dips her head in the direction of Ellis who’s tucked up asleep in his cot. “A reason to be good, a reason to not hurt the people you love because you hurt, and a reason to be the best version of yourself, no matter how badly we feel like we’re drowning.”

“I didn’t have Ellis when you left, I never had a reason.”

---