Page 111 of Grand Love

I have a sister, and Mason was definitely set up.

I feel like it’s information overload, and all I want is to cuddle my baby boy. He came home from Mason’s and fell asleep straight away last night, and then I had to open the gym this morning. Maggie was at mine by seven thirty to take him for the day. I miss him so much, and the weekends are getting harder. With my working hours being more at the gym, I don’t see him anywhere near enough. It all feels too much.

I feel lost in my own head with no clear path to guide me to sanity.

The doors slide open, and I slip inside, my throat aching as I hold back the sob that threatens to wrack through me.

“Nina!” Mason shouts, striding towards the elevators.

His hand shoots out just as the doors start to close. He steps inside and stands watching me with nothing but anguish on his face.

“I didn’t want to tell you like this.” He hits the button for the ground floor. “I’m sorry.”

Reaching out, he swipes my tears away with the pads of his thumbs. But he knows it’s not enough and that I’m about to break—he always knows. I’m thankful when he hits the emergency stop button and pulls me into him.

“I can’t stand to see you cry, baby.” He breathes into my hair.

I try to get closer, nestling myself into his chest even farther. His arms are wrapped around me, his head resting on mine. His smell, the feel of his chest beneath my head, and the warmth that surrounds me, makes everything else fade away. I’m safe here, and I don’t want to leave.

I don’t want to leave.

I. Don’t. Want. To. Leave.

“I can’t do this anymore.” I swallow down the lump in my throat, feeling completely overwhelmed. Leaning back a little, I look up at him. “I can’t do this.”

He frowns back at me, not following.

“I love you, Mason.” Another tear falls, but he doesn’t reach for it this time. He just leaves it to fall down my cheek. That should be my first warning sign. “I never stopped, and I know I shouldn’t have left you, but I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know then, but I do now, and I’m sorry. I need you. You and Ellis, you’re the only things that ground me.” I grasp at his lapels, craving the contact. “I need you Mase, and I can’t do this anymore.”

His eyes search mine, dilated and lost. His hands are spread wide on my shoulder blades where he holds me. I watch as his jaw clenches, then I lose his eyes.

“I don’t trust you,” he says, ashamed, stepping away from me. “I want you, more than anything on earth.” He lets out a snicker. “But I don’t trust you not to leave me.”

“You kissed me,” I croak out.

His head snaps up. “I want to kiss you all the fucking time! Right now. When I wake up in the mornings. When I get out of the shower. When I leave for work. When I get home, and when I go to bed. There’s no doubt in my mind whether I want you or not, Nina. It’s everything outside of the want. I can’t live walking on eggshells, afraid that something I do could have you walking out the door. Just look how you reacted to me trying to buy the photos.”

“If you can’t trust me enough to give me the chance, why are we still doing this, the push and pull? Why make me feel when you have no intention of being with me?” I shake my head at a loss.

“Because I can’t seem to let you go, Pix.” His eyes seem to shine with unshed emotion, and it only makes this conversation that much more painful.

He’d rather hurt than be with me.

“I hurt you that bad?”

He works on a swallow, our eyes transfixed on each other, as his hand reaches up to push my hair behind my ear. “No more than I hurt you.”

My head drops, not being able to meet his unrelenting stare.

There was a house I used to run past when I was younger. It was perfect. So perfect that I used to stop and pretend to catch my breath each time I passed. A deep sense of longing to have what was behind the white picket fencing would plague me not just in the moment, but long after I got home and climbed into my bed.

Looking at Mason is like looking at that house. The house I could never get into.

I used to tell myself to be brave. Step up, and demand to be let inside.

That never happened.

But this is my house now. My home. My Mase.

I just have to make him trust me again.

I step forward, closing the distance he put between us. “It’s okay,” I tell him. “You waited twenty-six years for Elliot to find your Pixie.” I brush my lips against his, rasping out against them. “I’d wait forever for you, Bossman.”

I pull on the emergency stop, and the lift starts to descend again.

I don’t dare look at him as I leave him in the elevator. I let the doors close behind me but know that I’ve driven a wedge between them, with the hope that one day, he lets me in.

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