“That’s the upside,” he said. “The downside is that you have to compromise if you ever disagree.” He poured her more wine.
“True. We don’t argue very often, but we do have our differences occasionally.”
He added a splash more wine to his own glass. “What types of things do you disagree on?”
“I’m a cautious person—”
“Some would sayoverlycautious,” he broke in, and she knew he was teasing her about her fear of commitment.
“I’d rather not get into anything I can’t get out of,” she admitted. “I don’t like feeling trapped.”
A half smile curved his lips. “Why do you think you’re so afraid of that? Has something terrible happened that’s made you leery of close relationships or—”
“No. Nothing like that. I just hate disappointing others.”
His eyebrows went up. “You see the irony, right?”
“Of course. But like I told you before, it’s the fact that I have trouble saying no that gets me into the engagement in the first place. Then I try to convince myself it’s the right thing to do and that I’ll be glad I did it in the end...”
“And then the wedding comes up and you panic.”
“Exactly.”
He rocked back onto two legs of his chair. “How is Paul going to be any different?”
“I’m older, for one. I’ve learned a few things about myself since I lived here.”
“You’ve also warned him,” he said, his lips twitching as though he was tempted to laugh.
“I have,” she said, scowling at him for being amused by her predicament. “I think that’s only fair.”
He shook his head. “He’s going to have his hands full with you.”
“Fortunately, he’s a patient man.”
“Which, no doubt, makes you feel obligated to stick with him. So how is it, exactly, that this relationship is taking a different path?”
“I want to find someoneeventually. Get married and have a family. Don’t you? And maybe he’s the best guy for the job. Maybe I just don’t have a good feel for when I’ve met the right person.”
“I have a different take on that,” he said, sobering.
She eyed him speculatively. “What’syourtake?”
“I think you should only commit to someone you’redyingto be with. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into anything.”
“What if I never have that experience? What if I’m not built that way?”
“Everyone’s built that way. That’s how you know when you’ve found ‘the one.’” He raised his fingers to indicate quotation marks.
“Spoken like a true authority on the subject,” she said, cracking up. “Haveyouever found someone you feel that passionate about?”
“Not yet,” he admitted, somewhat grudgingly. “But I’m willing to wait.”
“You could be wasting your time,” she pointed out.
“Then I’ll remain single. That’s better than trying to force something that wasn’t meant to be.”
“I’m not forcing anything,” she said. “I admit I’m not head over heels, but I care about Paul.”