Page 79 of Didn't See That Coming

“I haven’t been honest with you,” I say with a sigh. “I only really joined Lil’ Aunties Know Best because I wanted to find out who my online bestie was. And he turned out to be Liam, by the way. Once I found out, I wanted to quit, but then Jonas found out I was his online troll and decided to date me, so…yeah, it’s all a mess, and none of it was your fault. I’m so sorry that I took out my anger on you.”

The smugness melts away from Eleanor’s face, and the smile she gives me now is a real one, shining with warmth. “Thanks, Ci Kiki. See?” she says to Sarah Jessica. “Told you she’s not a raging asshole.”

Sarah Jessica appraises me coolly before shrugging. “Okay.”

“Thank you for accepting my apology. Can I just say, you two are terrifying.”

Eleanor nods with a smirk, as though what I’ve just said was the biggest compliment she could ever receive.

“Just so you know, we were both bullied when we first started at Xingfa,” Sarah Jessica says flatly. “Well, I was bullied a lot longer before Eleanor found me and rescued me. We know the signs. We were aware that you were being bullied and we thought Lil’ Aunties might be able to help.”

My heart swells and clenches painfully at the thought ofplucky Eleanor and quietly brilliant Sarah Jessica at the hands of bullies. But of course, it makes sense, because neither of them fits the mold. Both of them are rice stalks that stand too tall. Gah, damn it, Papi. Now I’m going to have that stupid proverb in my head forever.

I hesitate for a second before going for it. “I have an idea on how to address the bullying at Xingfa, but I’m going to need your help. I know I’ve been horrible to you both, but can you help me?”

They both smile at me like hungry sharks. When I tell them my plan, Eleanor Roosevelt rubs her palms together and goes, “Mwahahaha.”

Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?

CHAPTER 21

The last thing I thought I would want to do on Monday is step foot in Xingfa, but I’m actually looking forward to it. Okay, well, I’m mostly dreading it, but potayto potahto. I’m dreading seeing Jonas and his cronies, but at the same time, I remind myself that I’m not going in alone. I have Eleanor Roosevelt and Sarah Jessica, who are formidable forces. I filled Peishan, Triss, and Zoelle in on everything, and they are totally on board. We’re going to be okay. Maybe.

Outside my classroom, I deposit my phone as usual in the phone basket and keep my eyes on the floor as I step inside, ignoring the loud whispers and glances and stares thrown my way. Elon says in a stage whisper, “Heeere comes Crazy Kiki!”

With superhuman effort, I ignore him, resolutely keeping my eyes on my feet until I get to my desk. A couple of minutes later, the seat next to me scrapes back on the floor and I look up to see Liam. For a split second, our eyes meet, then he looks away, busying himself by taking his books and pencil case out of his bag and arranging them on his table. My heart twistspainfully. I want more than anything to grab him and make him listen to me as I explain everything, but I know now’s not the time for that. Later, I tell myself.

“Hey, Kiki!” Jonas calls out as he strides in with all the confidence in the world. “Can we talk?”

My mouth turns dry. I prepared for this moment all yesterday, but reality hits a lot differently, especially with everyone in the classroom watching us. Liam glances over, his jaw tightening, but then he looks back down at his desk. I ignore the sharp pain jabbing at my stomach and look Jonas dead inthe eye. When I speak, my voice comes out loud and as clear as water. “I have nothing to say to you, Jonas.”

There are a few gasps, and Jonas’s chest swells. He’s probably about to tell me I’m crazy, but just then, our Form teacher, Mr.Tan, walks into the classroom. Everyone rushes back to their seats, and Jonas calls out for the class to stand and greet Mr.Tan.

“All right, kids,” Mr.Tan says when we’re all settled. “Is everyone ready to present their game to the rest of the class?”

Most of us nod and murmur, “Yes.” Heat rushes from my stomach down my arms. I can practically feel every pore on my skin opening up. This is it. I raise my hand. Mr.Tan’s eyebrows knit together.

“Yes, Kiki?”

“My group would like to go first, Teacher.” Already, I’m standing up and walking to the front of the classroom, not giving Mr.Tan a chance to say no. Behind me, I hear Jonas go, “Wait, what?” but Peishan says, “Don’t make a scene, Jonas.” I can almost feel Liam’s eyes boring into my back like laserbeams. He must be wondering what the hell I’m up to, but thankfully, he doesn’t protest.

“Ah—” Mr.Tan sputters, clearly flustered.

I raise my iPad and start my presentation. The large screen behind me blinks to life and shows the first slide of my slideshow. Mr.Tan is obviously astonished. “How did you—”

“I didn’t want to waste any of your time, Teacher, so I took the liberty of hooking up my iPad to the projector before class started.” Actually, Sarah Jessica was the one who connected my iPad to the system, but he doesn’t need to know that. “Thank you for assigning us this project, by the way. You’re a great teacher.” I say all this firmly, with confidence I do not have. I read somewhere that if you say things in a polite but firm manner, people are more likely to let you have your way. And I don’t know how true that piece of advice is, but it’s working on Mr.Tan. He straightens his tie and, after a second, nods at me to go ahead.

I turn to the class and my smile wobbles, because holy shit, standing at the front of the classroom with everyone’s eyes riveted on me is terrifying.Deep breaths,I remind myself.I can do this.

“Um, hey, everyone. A few of my friends and I prepared something that I’m going to share with you. Ah, to start with, a few of you may know that I play an online first-person shooting game. What does this have to do with anything? Well.” I take a deep breath and go to the next slide, which shows almost a dozen screenshots of private messages.

“These are screenshots of messages I received while playing as a girl online.” I go through each photo. “Rape threat. Deaththreat. Rape threat, rape threat, this one’s more of a vaguely weird sex joke, more death threats…” I force myself to look at my classmates, taking in their shocked expressions. When I spot Liam’s face, it makes me falter, my words catching in my throat. He looks—I don’t even have the words to describe his expression. He looks like he could tear apart an entire world with just his hands. Is he mad at me? Well, that’s pretty obvious. The real question is, what is he specifically mad about? Me lying to him about being Dudebro, or me hijacking our group presentation?

It doesn’t matter, I tell myself. I need to do this. I owe it not just to myself but to all the girls who have helped me get here. I force my attention back to the presentation. “This isn’t unique. Female gamers are harassed on a daily basis, and reporting it doesn’t do any good. I was punished for reporting my online harassment. In the end, the only way I could think of to avoid being harassed online was to pretend to be a guy. So I created a fake profile with the most male-sounding name I could think of, and surprise, surprise, suddenly, no one had a problem with my gameplay. People treated me with respect, just because they thought I was a guy.” My eyes meet Liam’s as I say this, and I pour all my emotions into my next words. “I didn’t mean to deceive anyone. I just wanted to play without getting rape threats.”

Liam swallows, his jaw moving as he clenches and unclenches his teeth. What’s going through his mind? His eyes close for a moment. My guts sour. I want to throw up. I want to run out of here.

But then Liam opens his eyes, and what’s inside them isn’tanger, it’s pain. He gazes at me with an expression of such acute sorrow that tears rush into my eyes. Then he nods at meand mouths, “I’m sorry.”

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