Page 76 of Didn't See That Coming

Even though we’ve spent the last few months chatting on the WhatsApp group, Sharlot and I haven’t video-called each other in…well, ever.

“Uh…” I blink again, trying to shake off the last dregs of drowsiness from my head. “What time is it?” I tap on my phone and find the clock. “Dude, why are you calling me at three in the morning?”

Sharlot gives a sheepish grin. “If it makes you feel better, it’s noon here.” She gestures to the blindingly blue sky behindher.

“It doesn’t make me feel better, no.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and shut my eyes.

“Well, and George pointed out that if you were asleep, then your phone would be on Silent mode and it wouldn’t wake you.” Sharlot moves her phone to show George waving at me and giving an equally sorry grin.

“George was wrong,” I say flatly.

“Yeah, we figured that out. Although you should always remember to turn your phone to Silent mode before going to bed,” Sharlot nags.

I sigh. “Why are you calling? Not that I don’t love hearing from you, but why are you calling at three in the morning?”

Sharlot’s expression turns serious. “Eleanor might havecalled me. Well, actually, she called George, and when George refused to meddle, she called me. She’s threatening to call my mom next if we don’t get things sorted out with you.”

At the mention of Eleanor, guilt stabs me in the gut, hard and deep. “Oh god,” I murmur, covering my face as I recall all those horrible things I said to her last night. “Is Eleanor okay?” I manage to choke out.

“Why wouldn’t she be?”

I search for any traces of sarcasm on Sharlot’s face but find none. I’m so ashamed of myself I can barely get the words out. “I sort of said some really mean stuff to Eleanor last night. A lot of crap happened and I lashed out at her.”

“Yeah, she told us you weren’t your best self.”

That is so Eleanor Roosevelt that I can’t help snorting, and the small laugh somehow triggers the tears, and to my horror, I find myself sobbing once more.

“Oh, Kiki!” Sharlot cries. “I’m so sorry, cuz. Are you—oh, what am I saying, you’re obviously not okay. But it will be okay, I promise you it will be.”

This only makes me feel even guiltier. I’ve been keeping the whole bullying thing from Sharlot for no good reason, and now here she is, calling me and being so sweet and supportive. Through my sobs, I manage to choke out, “No, it won’t! How can it be okay? You don’t know what I’ve done. And what everyone is saying online—”

Sharlot’s gaze flattens. “Uh, really? You’re telling me, of all people, that I don’t know how things can possibly be okay? Have you forgotten what happened to me last year?”

“Oh yeah.” That brings out a shuddery laugh from me. Ihave to admit, Sharlot had it pretty bad last summer, when the entire nation branded her a scheming, gold-digging slut.

“Yeah, I see the memories coming back to you. Please, you’re basically talking to Monica Lewinsky. Nothing can touch me now.” Sharlot smirks, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “And I’m here to tell you that it will get better. You will get through this, because you are one bad bitch. You helped me get through my mess, I’m going to help you get through yours.”

“But you’re not even here!” I wail. When Sharlot’s life crashed around her, she’d been staying at my house and I was able to literally pick her up off the floor and shove junk food in her face until she felt more human. But I’m all alone. Waaah, poor me.

Sharlot gives me a sad smile. “True, but hey, you can call me anytime, and I’ll call you all the time and I’ll hold your hand virtually, okay? We can do a Netflix party and binge on junk food if that’s what you need. Kiki, I know it feels like the entire world hates you right now, but trust me when I tell you that none of it will last. Whatever they say about you, you know deep down inside that it’s not true. Only you know what the core of you is made of. So don’t let them take you down, cuz. Not like this.”

This only makes more tears flood my eyes, because god, for the past few months, I’ve been fighting so hard not to let all the #CrazyKiki stuff erode me. But between people constantly calling me crazy and me lying continuously to Liam, it’s taken a toll on my self-confidence. “I don’t like who I am now.” The words come out in a shocked whisper, and I realize with astart that it’s true. I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. Who is this girl who’s trying so hard to be liked? Who lies to her best friend? Who lashes out at her friends and her parents instead of talking things through with them?

“Oh, Kiki. I know. I hated myself too when it was happening. But please remember that before all the shit that everyone threw your way, you liked yourself, right? Because I know you, and I know you’re amazing.”

I think back to who I was before I moved to Xingfa. Back when I was at Mingyang, with Cassie. I wasn’t anywhere near perfect, but yeah, I liked that girl much better. It never occurred to her to not speak her mind. She never had to make herself feel small to make boys comfortable. I nod at Sharlot, and she smiles.

“You are not who they think you are,” she says gently.

My mouth parts, because wow, that’s so true. I’m not #CrazyKiki. Neither am I Jonas’s meek girlfriend. None of my schoolmates knows me, except maybe Liam, and even then, I’ve been hiding under layers and layers of lies.

“I think I have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do,” I finally say.

Sharlot’s forehead scrunches up with concern. “Okay, but not to the wrong people, right?”

I smile. “No. After I’m done apologizing, I will be ready for a battle with everyone else.”

“That’s the Kiki I know.”

---