Page 41 of Didn't See That Coming

My muscles all turn into goo. This is impossible. A guy who wants to bake for his girlfriend? I want to shake my fist at the universe and scream,What are you doing to me?I nod and make a big show of typing everything on my phone. “I think you’re going to be quite popular.”

“Really? I don’t know, my breads might actually suck.”

“Oh, right.” Somehow, I never even gave that any thought as a possibility.

“What about you? You must’ve gotten the same questionnaire?”

“I didn’t, actually. I guess because Eleanor Roosevelt knows me already. She knows most of the stuff I’m into.”

“Like what?” Liam says.

“Uh…”LikeWarfront Heroes!!my mind yells. But no.Ican’t possibly say that to him. He’s going to ask me all sorts of awkward questions, like my gamer tag. “Like hanging out with my friends.” God, that sounds so meh. “And…” Do I really not have any hobbies other thanWarfront Heroesand hanging out with Cassie and Sharlot? Good grief. “Anyway, let’s focus on your profile. What would be your ideal date?”

Liam thinks for a bit. “Exploring a new place together—maybe it’s a new hiking trail or a new restaurant.”

“Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff,” I say with an eyeroll.

“Excuse me? Are you saying I’m boring?”

“No, it’s just the kind of answer anyone would give, isn’tit.”

He makes a mock-offended face. “Nuh-uh! The part about the places being unknown is the rare bit. Not many people like to explore, you know. My dad is always, like, ‘Let’s just go tothe restaurant we already know has good food.’ Which is how we’ve ended up going to the same place every weekend for the last five years.”

“True, I guess. Okay, adventurous. I’ll give you that. Ooh, have you hiked up to the waterfalls at Sentul?”

“Yes! I love it there. I’ve been wanting to hike up MountBro—”

“Mount Bromo?” I squeak. “Yes, me too!”

“Okay, we’ve got to go over summer break.”

He says this so casually that I know it’s just a throwaway comment. By the time recess is over, he will have forgotten this, but I won’t, andgah,Universe, why must you torture me so?

Just then, Liam’s school-sanctioned iPad, which he’s put on the seat next to him,boops. So do a few other iPads aroundthe canteen. He picks it up with a quizzical look. “Well, that’s interesting.”

“What is it?”

He turns the iPad to face me and points to an icon. I recognize it as the Lil’ Aunties icon. “That wasn’t there before,” he muses.

I look around the canteen and see that those who have brought their iPads here are looking very confusedly at their screens, pointing and murmuring.

“What the hell is Lil’ Aunties?” someone says.

“Is this spam?”

“Don’t open it, it’s gotta be a scam.”

My iPad is back at my classroom, so I have no idea if the Lil’ Aunties app has mysteriously appeared on it as well, but it seems a safe bet that it has. I think back to our last interaction with Eleanor Roosevelt and Sarah Jessica and how they so cryptically said not to worry about their not having a large enough pool of profiles to matchmake. “Oh god,” I groan. So this was their plan all along, to hack into the school-issued iPads and force every machine to download their app.

Liam’s expression is torn between disbelief and admiration. “Did those kids just do what I think they did?”

I nod glumly, thinking of how disappointed George Clooney will be when he finds out that I’ve failed so completely at keeping Eleanor Roosevelt in check.

Liam slides the iPad to the middle of the table so we can both see the screen. He taps on the Lil’ Aunties icon, and a notice appears:

Welcome to the Lil’ Aunties Know Best matchmaking service! This is for COOL PEOPLE only. If you are an uncool snitch, then simply do nothing and the app will be uninstalled in under one minute. If you are COOL and AWESOME, please scroll down to read our terms and conditions. Clicking Agree means you are legally bound by our contract and NDA. If you break our NDA, we will know. Join to find your soulmate today!

Liam and I look at each other, and the utter disbelief on his face makes me burst out laughing. I mean,oh my god,Eleanor Roosevelt!What has she done? Even as we sit there cracking up, another notice appears. It says: “App will be uninstalled in ten seconds unless you click Agree.”

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