Page 44 of I'm Not Done with You Yet

I shake my head. “No, it doesn’t...” My words can’t convince even me. Does it look weird? Maybe it does? Who the fuck knows anymore? All I know is, I caused this. It was all my fault. And I can’t let Thalia shoulder the burden of the blame. “We’ll say I did it,” I blurt out so fast that it takes a second for my mind to catch up with what I just said.

But once it’s out, I get it. I get my role in this thing, and it is perfect. Just like our friendship, it’s dark and lovely, and I am finally going to get to save the girl I love. For once, I get to be the knight in shining armor. And, a small, dark voice whispers from deep in the underbelly of my mind:Once you do this, she will owe you for life.

As Thalia stares at me, mouth open, eyes wide, I say it again, twining our life paths into a single knot. “We’ll say I did it.”

We’re creative writers, we know how to set a scene, and so we do.

Antoine was waiting in Thalia’s room when she came inside. He was obsessed with her. He attacked her, would have raped her if I hadn’t come in to check on her. There was a struggle (here we make sure that there are more signs of struggle for the cops to find). We’re two young women trying to stop a crazed, muscled bull. We were overpowered. He was choking Thalia; he was going to kill her. I yanked him off her and he came after me and that was when I grabbed the letter opener.

“You have to choke me,” Thalia says.

My mouth turns into sandpaper and I stand there uselessly as she twines a thin scarf around her slim neck and hands me the ends.

“Do it.”

And so I do. I pull and pull as her face turns pink, and then red, and then purple, and my pulse is one with hers, her life like a little bird in the palm of my hand. Such trust. She wouldn’t put her trust in just anyone. She knows we belong together; this is why I’m pulling, choking the life out of her.

She flaps at me and I break out of my trance. I release the scarf and she stumbles back, coughing, gasping like a fish. There’s something almost erotic about her wheezing, and I have to turn away, my face burning at the excitement inside me. What the hell is wrong with me?

Sociopathic tendency #27: Does dangerous things to feel alive.

I’ve gone too far. I know it. Thalia must have seen it too: that little evil spark behind my eyes. But when I turn around, shegives me a little smile. So brave. My heart goes out to her. She is too pure for this world.

“You should probably have a few bruises on your face,” she says.

So pure, but also such a realist. I nod and she takes a deep breath. “Ready?” she says.

I close my eyes.

When she smacks me, the pain is blinding. Deafening. Stars explode behind my left eyelid, the insides of my head sloshing sickeningly. I fall backward and bump my elbow on a piece of furniture. Holy fuck, it hurts. Then, somehow, we’re laughing. A mad laugh filled with tears.

When we’re done, we look at each other, and for a while, neither of us speaks.

“I can’t thank you enough, Jane,” she says, taking my hand in hers. Her voice is hoarse. “You’re my best friend. Forever.”

My voice catches in my throat. I look deep into her beautiful eyes and say, “Forever.”

20

Present Day

New York City

Wakey, wakey!”

The words grate against my eardrums, and I wince, turning away from them.

“Sweetie, time for our fancy New York City brunch.”

It takes a while for the words to sink in, but when they finally reach the part of my brain that digests verbal information, my entire body curls up and I let out a groan.

“Did we imbibe a little bit too much last night?”

I resist the urge to wrap a pillow around my head to drown out Ted’s voice. I can’t bear that playful, wheedling tone. And then last night comes rushing back like a fist to my gut and I sit up, suddenly awake. “Shit, Ted. I can’t go to brunch.”

He stares at me for a moment before smiling. “Very funny. You got me good.”

“No, I’m not kidding. I—uh, I’ve been invited to go to awriting retreat in the Hamptons and we’re leaving today.” I glance at the clock on the wall. “Uh, in an hour, actually.”

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