Page 56 of Heart Like a Cowboy

But Alana wasn’t going to look at it that way.

If Egan consented to said fling, she was going to approach it as something she just had to get out of her system. Perhaps after Egan and she sated some of this fire, then they’d realize it was a big mistake and go their separate ways. If that happened, then she’d just have to learn how to deal with it. But she thought even fling failure was better than all this longing and lusting.

Her phone finally made a sound. It wasn’t a text, but a call. She dragged in a few quick and hopefully settling breaths before she yanked the phone from her pocket. And cursed.

Because it wasn’t Egan. It was Tilly.

Great, just great. Alana couldn’t even consider the possibility of letting it go to voice mail since it was possible that Tilly might be calling to apologize. The woman might want to know how she could tell Egan she was sorry. So, with that possibility looming, Alana answered the call.

“Alana,” Tilly greeted. There was a cool edge to the woman’s voice, but Alana preferred it to the hot knife’s edge tone when they’d been in the park.

“Tilly,” she greeted back, and Alana left it at that. Best to let Tilly spell out why she’d called since there was a chance that anything Alana might say could be the wrong way to approach this.

“Alana,” the woman repeated, and she paused as if waiting for Alana to say the things she’d decided not to say. “I was hoping,” Tilly finally continued after several long moments, “that you’d admit you were lying about the things you said about Jack.”

Alana sighed. So this was how it was going to be. “I didn’t lie. Jack—”

“Don’t you dare say it again,” Tilly ordered. “I want you to take it back. Take it all back.”

Alana wanted to just hang up and hope the woman would soon listen to reason, but maybe that was never going to happen. If so, it was best for Alana to spell out some things.

“I didn’t lie,” Alana repeated, and she continued before Tilly could get a huff or denial in edgewise. “I don’t want it to be true. In fact, I called him that last time, hoping he could explain everything away. But he didn’t deny it, Tilly.”

“I think this is the grief talking,” Tilly insisted after shaking her head. “I think you’re still so distraught and overcome with grief that you don’t know what you’re really saying.”

“I know what I’m saying—” Alana tried to explain.

“You don’t,” Tilly insisted. “Because every word you’re saying is ripping into me. It’s tearing me to pieces.”

“I’m sorry—”

“If you are really sorry, then don’t say it,” Tilly demanded. “Honor Jack’s name by being the truthful, loving wife that he believed you were.”

Talk about a loaded demand. Don’t say anything bad even if it’s the truth? Honor Jack’s name with pretense and lies? And the cherry on top of this particular cake—be a loving wife to a man who’d been dead for three years? A man who hadn’t been an especially loving husband since he’d had sex with another woman?

“Tilly,” Alana said, trying—really, really trying—to keep her voice calm, “you’ll always be Jack’s mom. You’ll always love him. Part of me will always love him, too, but I’m no longer his wife.”

“Well, you should be,” Tilly snapped.

Oh, it was hard to hang on to the calm now. “For how long?” Alana asked.

“Forever,” the woman insisted. “Because if you love him, if you’re still his wife, then that’ll keep a small part of Jack alive.”

Only in Tilly’s mind would that happen. Alana could have pointed out she on the other hand could continue to honor Jack by moving on. Most people said that, that their late spouse would want them to move on, but Alana believed in Jack’s case, it was the truth. In fact, maybe he’d already started to move on himself with the affair.

“I’ll be at the life celebration if that’s still what you want—”

“It is,” Tilly insisted, interrupting Alana. “I want you there as Jack’s loving wife.”

Alana sighed again. “I’ll be at the life celebration,” she repeated, “and I won’t bring up anything bad about Jack. But you should know that I won’t have you dictate my life. And I won’t tolerate you lashing out at Egan like that again.”

There, she’d said it, but Alana was talking to the air because Tilly had hung up on her.

Obviously, the woman hadn’t actually wanted to resolve anything or apologize for her behavior. Part of Alana wanted to forgive the grieving mother, but another part of her was just plain fed up. Fed up enough to text Egan again, not with an explanation of why she’d sent the two other sex-related messages but rather a simple request.

I need to talk to you, she typed out and hit Send.

Alana grabbed her purse and keys so she could go ahead and start the drive to the ranch while she waited for a response. But there wasn’t much of a wait at all. She’d barely gotten out the door when Egan replied.

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