Page 48 of Heart Like a Cowboy

He’d never wanted to attend the celebration, and Tilly had practically twisted his arm to get him to do it. Now that he was off the hook, he could see the big picture he’d been missing because of his own guilt and feelings. He wouldn’t be there with the town to celebrate the life of the man who’d been his best friend.

Then again, after what he’d recently learned about Jack, Egan had to admit that best friend had been in name only. He clearly hadn’t known Jack as well, or as fondly, as he thought he had. And that lessened another layer of this guilt fest.

Alana.

A month ago, Egan wouldn’t have allowed any lustful thoughts about Alana to pop into his head. He damn sure wouldn’t have actually kissed her. Obviously, things had changed since he’d kissed her twice and wanted to go for round three. He had to quickly push that urge aside, though, when another vehicle pulled into the parking lot.

This time, it was Tilly, and the woman speared him with narrowed eyes when she spotted him. She got out, hauling a big cardboard box from the back seat. Both Alana and he went to help after Alana set the coffees aside, but Tilly quickly declined.

“I’ve got it,” she insisted and then spared Egan another glance. “I didn’t expect you to be here, but maybe this way is for the best.” She didn’t clarify that, though. Instead, she turned to Alana. “I was hoping you’d help me with the arrangement on the podium for Jack’s life celebration.”

“Of course,” Alana muttered. “But you said you were rethinking that. Are you still going through with it?”

“Absolutely. It’ll still go on two weeks from today, just as planned.” And her tone indicated that canceling it had never ever been her intention. “But there will be some changes.”

She set the box down and pulled out what Egan first thought was a child’s paper dolls. But these were blank with the shapes either wearing pants or dresses, and they were attached to foot-long sticks shaped like toothpicks.

“I had Woodrow order these for me,” Tilly explained, referring to Woodrow McMillian who ran the hardware store. She used a permanent marker to write her own name and then Alana’s on two of the “girl” figures. She wrote Jack’s name on one of the boys. “I want to map out the positions, and I thought this would be an easier way to get it right.”

Tilly went to the flat grassy area where podium and stages had, indeed, been set up in the past, and she poked Jack’s into what would no doubt be the center.

“There’ll be a big picture of Jack here,” Tilly explained. Then, she staked her paper avatar directly on the right and Alana’s on the left. “The mayor will go here,” she continued, writing his name on one and staking it next to her. “Then, Reverend Caldwell, who’ll do a benediction.” He went on the side next to Alana. “Then, Jack’s godparents, Nancy and Bill.” They went next to the mayor.

Tilly added a couple more, including Jack’s favorite high school teacher and his football coach to balance out the side where Alana would be standing, and then she stopped, wrote Egan’s name on one of the avatars and looked at him.

“I want to make something clear,” Tilly said, her voice as tight as her expression. “I don’t want you at my son’s life celebration. Not after what you did—”

“Tilly,” Alana interrupted. Or rather she tried to do that, but Tilly just rolled right over her.

“I don’t want you there,” Tilly went on, staring at him. “But I also don’t want to have to answer any questions about how or why my son died. I don’t want to have to deal with gossip because every morsel dished up will only serve to remind me of his death. I don’t want that. I only want to deal with Jack’s life. Do I make myself clear?” she tacked on to that.

No, she actually hadn’t made it clear, but Egan went with what he thought was a good guess. “You intend for me to be there, but you don’t want me to say or do anything that would take away from the celebration.”

“Exactly,” Tilly snarled, and as if she’d declared war on it, she stabbed his avatar at what would be the very end of the podium.

Tilly hurriedly wrote a name on a girl avatar and jammed it into the ground directly across from his. Not on the podium but what would almost certainly be the crowd watching the event.

Colleen’s name.

So, apparently Tilly didn’t intend for his ex to stay at the back of the gathering but instead wanted her right in Egan’s face. Almost literally. This was punishment, plain and simple, but Egan had no intention of objecting.

Evidently, though, Alana did. “Tilly—” she said, but that was all she managed to get out before Tilly cut her off again.

Tilly marched toward Egan, her glare getting harder and harder with each step. “I won’t make this celebration easy for you, Lieutenant Colonel Egan Donnelly.” She said his name as if it were poison. “But I will let you stand up on that podium and let everyone believe you’re a hero. You’re not, and you and I both know that. And when the celebration is over, I never want to see you or hear you speak my son’s name again.”

The words hit him like heavy artillery, slamming into him and going straight to his heart. She hadn’t said anything that he hadn’t already said to himself, but now Tilly was hurting. And since she was Jack’s mother, he couldn’t imagine how deep and hard her pain was. Pain that he had caused, first by getting Jack killed and then not telling her the truth about it.

Obviously finished with him, Tilly turned and stormed away. Not toward her car but back to the box where she grabbed more avatars.

Alana sighed. “I’m so sorry.”

But Egan cut her off, too, by shaking his head. “I deserved everything she just said.” Everything. “Go to Tilly. See if there’s anything you can do to help her. Help,” he emphasized. “Don’t make things worse by bringing up anything else.”

Egan thought that maybe he’d finally convinced Alana to hold back, and with that mission accomplished, he turned to leave. To get out of Tilly’s sight so that Alana stood at least a chance of calming her down. And Alana was clearly trying to do just that. Tilly had allowed Alana to take her by the arm, and Alana was leading them to the shade of a large oak.

Since his lingering would only add to Tilly’s misery, he walked toward his truck. He hadn’t made it but a couple of steps, though, when yet another car turned into the parking lot, and one look at the driver, and Egan figured he was going to get another round of incoming fire.

Loralee stepped out.

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