Page 5 of Yours Actually

“Penelope.”I’m trying to find more words for her when Callan rounds the corner and joins us in the foyer.

His mouth lifts up into the smile he reserves for me when our eyes meet.“Ace.”

Penelope’s lips press together.She hates it when Callan uses the nickname he’s had for me since we were sixteen.As fast as those lips of hers smoosh together, she’s stepped into his space, nestled into his side, and placed her hand on his stomach possessively.

When I woke up this morning, everything was in place in my life.My overnight oats were made for the week.My lunches were lined up next to them in the fridge.I went to my 5 a.m.Monday morning yoga class to start my week calmly.I confirmed my meditation class for tonight.I did a little life admin and ensured nothing was missing from my to-do list for this week.Now, everything is not in place.That hand on Callan’s stomach is all the evidence I need to know this.

The smile slips from his face, replaced by a frown as he looks down at that hand.

Penelope interprets his expression expertly.I mean, anyone who knows Callan knows he doesn’t sleep with friends and that once he has sex with a woman, she rarely makes another appearance in his life.I almost feel sorry for her because that look on his face is all she needs to know this might not go down how she hopes.However, she’s not a woman who gives up on anything without a fight and I don’t imagine she’ll let his body language deter her.

“I’m gonna go,” she says, giving his white dress shirt a quick scrunch before removing herself from his personal space.“Thanks for the weekend.It was fun.”

The weekend?

She’s been here since Bradford’s wedding on Saturday?

I did notice how close they appeared at the reception but I was a little distracted by Slade who is in the middle of an existential crisis, his words, not mine.

Callan nods.“Yeah, it was.”

With a casual flick of her long blonde hair and a flirty grin, she tosses out, “For the record, your suit does look better on a bedroom floor and there are still no strings attached to that suit.I’ll call you in a couple of weeks so we can figure out the plans for the wedding you mentioned.”She then grants me a smile.“I’ll see you at the wedding.Let’s text so we ensure we don’t wear the same shoes again.”She’s referencing a party we both attended three months ago wearing the same Jimmy Choos.

I use my manners and agree even though texting with Penelope is one of the last things I want to do.But I do many things for Callan that I wouldn’t do for anyone else, and causing tension with one of his friends is something I actively avoid.

I follow him into his kitchen after the elevator doors close with Penelope safely tucked away inside.I desperately want to ask him what’s happening with her.I mean, that’s our thing.We talk abouteverything.We have since we were kids.But I think I may have found something I don’t want to know.

Callan and I have never come close to taking our friendship further but it’s something I’ve thought about a lot.He was the guy I crushed on in my teens.He was the most popular guy in school.The football player every girl wanted.He had a new girlfriend so often that I would have lost track if I wasn’t actually keeping track of every little thing about him.I attribute the weight I carried in high school to all the ice-cream I consumed on Friday and Saturday nights when I sat at home studying while he was out with his latest girlfriend or finding a new one at a party.

My crush on him remained firm until I was twenty-two when I met a guy who became my first serious boyfriend.After I broke up with that guy, I settled into a happy dating rhythm and let go of my crush on Callan.I’d be lying, though, if I said I didn’t still imagine what it would be like to be his partner in life rather than his best friend.

I feel so free with Callan, like I could say or do anything and he’d never walk away from me.That’s what I imagine a partner brings into your life and I’ve never met another guy who just gets me and accepts me like he does.

Blair, my other bestie, never stops telling me to explore my feelings more, but there’s no point.I’m the complete opposite to every girl he’s ever been with.Where I’m curvy with dark hair, Callan’s type is generally blondes with no curves.And where I’m the nerdy girl who enjoys slow weekends at farmer’s markets; creating spreadsheets for all manner of things; obsessing over my stationery collection; and doing everything I can to avoid nights out at clubs, Callan’s type seems to live in clubs; obsesses over the latest gossip; and might never have opened a spreadsheet in her life.I literally shudder at the thought of not using spreadsheets.How does one calculate important things without them?

Also, there’s the sex rule he has about friends.

Except, maybe that rule no longer exists.

Blair can never know about this.She’ll step up her demands for me to explore my feelings.

And what is it with those feelings right now?Why the heck am I avoiding asking Callan about Penelope?I can’t recall anything I’ve not wanted to ask him.Not even when we were teenagers and I was heartsick over all the girls on his arm.I always want to know what’s happening in his life and how he’s feeling about it.

I zero in on the mail he’s left on his kitchen countertop and quickly reach for the large pile of letters in an attempt to shift my thoughts.Managing Callan’s personal mail has been my task since college.He wasn’t born with organizational skills and often paid bills late and missed social events, so I took pity on him and helped him out.Now, he simply leaves it out for me to take care of.“Do you have any dry cleaning you need dropped off?”

“Yeah, but only if you’re going that way.I can have Jane take it tomorrow when she’s in.”His housekeeper comes three times a week.She’s one of my favorite people in Callan’s life because she truly cares for him and doesn’t want anything from him.

I start different piles for his mail, sorting it into categories.“I’m collecting some dresses today.I’ll take it.”I note the two letters that appear to be wedding invites.Holding them up, I say, “Is everyone you know getting married this summer?This brings your total weddings to seven this season.”

He grimaces as he opens the fridge.“Make it nine.There are two more invites at the office.”

When he bends to inspect the contents of the fridge, I try not to let my eyes wander down his body.

I fail.

Good god, Callan needs to stop all the exercise and sport he does.Between the rowing, the running, the weights, the core work, and all the casual sports he plays randomly when friends ask him, he’s got thighs, and arms, and abs, and an ass that stop women in the street.I know because I’ve seen them do it.And his muscles make it so those women don’t even bother trying to hide their appreciation.They just stop, stare, and swoon.Kinda like I am right now.

I mentally try to slap some sense into myself.

---