Page 85 of Belong With Me

Chapter Thirty

Sienna

Falling backwards onto my bed left me staring at the ceiling. The many throw pillows that surrounded me made me feel vaguely claustrophobic. I swatted at them, pushing them off the edge so they fell to the floor. The feel of the mattress, although soft, was uncomfortable. The expensive quilt cover, although fine quality, felt scratchy.

The crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling threw light all around the room. The light bounced off the walls and little rainbows glimmered here and there. I used to think it was beautiful. Now, it was just ostentatious.

I missed the raw timber beams and the basic recessed lights in my room at Larsen Ranch. I missed the well-worn green embroidered quilt I had slept under. I missed the cotton sheets, and the timber floorboards and the sound of cows mooing, horses neighing and the of roosters crowing.

I missed the constant warmth of the home, and that’s exactly what it was. It wasn’t sterile and curated like the one I was in now. There was always a comforting presence about the place, be it the sounds outside the walls, or the company inside them. The siblings too, who were always welcoming, even to me, a complete stranger. Yet they took me in and helped me out in ways I couldn’t fathom yet.

But most of all, I missed one thing in particular. Well, if I was being perfectly honest, I was missing someone in particular.

Ryder. I missed him so much it hurt. I didn’t know how I’d become attached to him in the short time I’d stayed at Larsen Ranch. That truly scared me; so little time and I was already so completely and utterly willing to lose myself in another person to the point of pain.

Was he feeling the same way? Was he missing me the way I was missing him? Was it all fun and games? Was all over for him the moment I left? I didn’t think that was the case, not when he ran after me as I left.

After pushing up with my forearms, I threw my legs over the side of the bed and looked at the luggage I’d left beside the door. I hadn’t bothered to unpack any of it since I arrived home mere days ago. I had no intention of doing it either.

I stalked over to the walk-in closet, then looked around at all the clothes hanging around me. At the hundreds of pairs of shoes sitting on racks, and designer handbags looking down at me from the shelves.

Not one of them gave me the happy feeling they once did.

Not compared to the cowboy boots I purchased in Texas and was still wearing. Since I got home, I had worn an outfit that suited them each day, much to my parents’ dismay. I had no inclination to take them off either. These had memories attached to them. Memories that caused other things to stir.

These boots evoked locked-away feelings.

These boots evoked pure emotions.

Those emotions were overflowing right now.

As I stared at the settee, an idea came to me. I pushed it to the side and stood atop it to pull down the other luggage bags I kept on the top shelf. Laying them all around me, I then unzipped them all and started pulling items from their hangers. Things from the drawers got stuffed in too. And I went so far as to fill an entire suitcase with shoes and another with bags.

Just because they no longer gave me the happy feeling they used to, didn’t mean that some other women I knew wouldn’t enjoy them. I thought of their faces when they saw these items arrive as I set about emptying myself of my former life. Once I’d stuffed a good variety of designer clothes into the bags, leaving only some of my favorite items, I smiled at the mostly empty racks.

I returned to my bedroom and walked towards the small desk I had below the window. Once I was seated, I slid open the drawer and removed a pad of lined paper and an envelope from the stationery set I had tucked away.

I pulled my fountain pen from the small, zippered pencil case I kept it in, set the pen to paper, and started to write:

Looking at these items just reminds me of what I no longer have.

Please go through everything and share them between yourselves. Keep them, sell them, do whatever makes you happy. I don’t want them; I don’t need them.

Finally, I must ask you to keep a secret. I miss you all. I miss Ryder even more and I can’t stay away any longer.

I’ll be seeing you all soon.

Love, Sienna.

I finished the letter with a large hand-drawn heart and then folded it in half and slid it inside the envelope. Within seconds, I was sealing and addressing it to Savannah and Mackenzie at the address I wished I was at right now.

As I was placing the envelope in my bag to mail, I turned to grab the suitcases that would be going too, the door to my bedroom swung open and Daddy strode in like he owned the place. Which I guess technically he did.

Noting the new bags of luggage I’d only just filled, and the ones I still hadn’t unpacked, he raised an eyebrow. “Cleaning house? Are these so out of season that you cannot wear them anymore? I know your mother cares for such things, Sienna-Grace, and you are a reflection on our company. But have a thought for the money side of things. I refuse to fund your wardrobe on a whim or a fancy.”

“It’s not like that, Daddy,” I tried, but he cut me off.

“It’s one thing to go on a shopping spree twice a year. I know how you ladies work, and that’s fine. But this looks like nearly an entire wardrobe of clothes you’re getting rid of.”

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