Page 50 of She Wolf

“Thank you. We’ve lived here our whole married lives,” Ellen says as she rounds the counter, coming to stand beside her husband.

“We’ll be sad to leave but it’s time,” Otto says to us. “We’ve decided to move to a retirement village in Arkansas to be closer to our daughter and grandchildren.”

I nod, smiling at him and he gestures for us to look around.

“We didn’t want to sell right away, so we’re looking to rent, starting with a six-month contract.”

Perfect. Is my first thought as we move from room to room. The sitting room and kitchen aren’t the only places that have seen a paint roller. It looks like the whole house has been newly decorated. There’s a small utility room that will come in very handy, and then a good-sized bathroom with a shower and a bathtub that separates the two bedrooms.

Otto and Ellen lead us out into a modest garden with a small patio. The grass is a vivid green and the borders are full of shrubs and brightly colored flowers.

Otto encourages me to take my time viewing their beloved home, while Casey and Gunner pepper him with super-mundane—but probably necessary questions—I’m now glad they’re here to ask things I might not think of.

The house feels warm and inviting, the smell of fresh baking lingers in the air, making it feel like a true home and not just bricks and mortar. I can’t say that I’m not going to miss living in Casey’s sprawling, modern house, but I know Jack and I can be happy here too. I can see us sitting at the dining table my dad made for us looking out into the garden as he chatters away. I can see Jack happily playing in the second bedroom or out here kneeling in front of the TV desperate for a Wolves game to start.

After I’ve had some time in the house by myself, I meet them back outside and map the journey to Jack’s and my school on my phone and realize it’s only an extra fifteen minutes. I look up to meet my brother’s and Gunner’s face and find they’re both smiling too. Casey gives me a nod and I tell Otto with excitement I can barely hold in, that I’d very much like to take it.

He beams as we discuss plans for the move. He and Ellen hope to be gone by the following Friday, admitting that if they didn’t just up and go, they’d never leave. Ellen agrees, conveying how delighted she was that a child would be living in their home once more.

On the way back, Gunner, Casey, and I talk animatedly about how great Otto and Ellen were. How wonderful the house was—especially the fact that it’s just a starter contract—and how close we are to both thehockey streetand the schools. It really is perfect.

We get back to Casey’s, making our way to the kitchen when Knox and Jack come to join us.

“What happened Mom? Have you found us a new house?” Jack asks, his eyes wide and hopeful. He’s been up and down about the move—one minute he’s excited and the next he’s really apprehensive.

I smile down at my boy. “I think we have. It’s not as big as this one, no staircase but we’re only a short drive away so we can come here all the time. It’s not far at all.”

He nods thoughtfully and turns to the boys. “And you think it’s good too? You checked out my room?” His eyes ping ponging between them.

Both Casey and Gunner nod. “Yeah, Kiddo,” Casey answers as he picks him up, so he can reassure him.

“It seems like a neat place to live. Nice big bedrooms and plenty of space for dry drills.”

At the mention of hockey, Jack’s face becomes serious. “But is it close to my rink?”

“Honestly, Jack, just a few minutes more.” This time it’s Gunner, who answers. They all walk off into the den, and I tell them I’ll sort us some lunch.

“Do you need any help, sis?” Knox asks me, already half turned to leave with the others.

I wave him off. “No, it’s fine. Go on in with them, I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

He smiles and it’s a cheeky one, as he turns on his heels. “You are the best lunch maker.”

I make up some chicken salad baguettes—one of Knox’s favorite lunches, all the while feeling guilty about how all this change will affect Jack. Casey has been such a steadfast figure in Jack’s life that not living with him will certainly have an impact.

And there’s also that nagging feeling of failure. Having to start over again so late into my twenties makes me twitchy.

Some people take all the time in the world to work out what they want to do with their lives, but me? I had it all planned out. I was meticulous in choosing my college courses. I had this crazy mind map diagram going on in my dorm room my first year.

My big dreams of lady bossing my way through life with my Ph.D. and becoming a child psychologist or head of a non-profit counseling service seemed to just fizzle away after marrying Nick, and of course I never thought for one second, I’d end up practically co-parenting my kid with my twin.

“Hey?” Gunner’s voice brings me out of my daze, and I realize I’m holding the bread knife in the air.

“You, okay?” he asks.

Sighing, I place the knife on the wooden chopping board. He rounds the counter and comes to stand deliciously close. His uniquely Gunner scent surrounds me while his soulful brown eyes search my face and I’m not sure what he sees.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he practically whispers.

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