Page 18 of She Wolf

I get that some people in my shoes, with my past, wouldn’t want to ever be married again. But that’s not me. I have only ever wanted one man since ending things with Nick.

Actually, I’ve only ever wanted one man, full stop.

I met Nick when I was a sophomore in college. Casey and I, ever the co-dependent twins, decided to go to the same one. Casey stuck with dorms and then later a jock house, while I shared a house from my second year.

Sometimes it was hard work sifting through the people that genuinely wanted to be friends with me and not just trying to get to Casey. He was popular and everyone wanted a piece of him. But eventually I became friendly with a girl in my Adverse Childhood Experiences class and she, in turn, introduced me to her boyfriend’s housemate.

We hit it off straight away. He was charming and easy-going, liked hockey, but could take or leave it. Told me he wanted the Coralie part and not the Madden and after dating for a little while, we fell in love. Or so I thought.

A case of strep throat and a tiny mishap with birth control later, and I was pregnant at twenty. Nick played the doting boyfriend and soon-to-be father with an air of confidence and loyalty that sucked me in so deep, by the time things had gotten bad, I barely even recognized myself.

Gunner Grey is the antithesis ofNick the Dick. Where Nick is selfish, Gunner is considerate. Where he is weak, Gunner is unwavering in his strength. And where Nick fails miserably as a father? Even as only a friend, Gunner is protective, affectionate, and reliable.

As fellas go, ladies, let me tell you, he is everything. And my son knows it—including Gunner in every part of our lives, asking him to work on his Legos or hockey, inviting him on days out, and making sure he’s part of anything special we have going on as a family.

With Casey and Gunner being super tight, he was over a lot, but now that Jack is older, Gunner’s started popping up more frequently and at the most inopportune times.

Panda eyes and crazy hair due to one-too-many margaritas with my bestie the night before? Gunner’s been invited for a pancake breakfast and an Xbox tournament. Lady-time bloating and, in a Ben and Jerry’s coma? Gunner’s come over to build a fort in the living room.

But the more time I get to spend with him, the better he makes me feel about myself. Sometimes he’ll say something supportive or encouraging and in the back of my head, I’ll hear Nick telling me the opposite. Every day it makes me wish that Gunner and I had met sooner. That he had been Casey’s friend in college.

I can’t think like that though. Whatever has happened it gave me Jack and to me, he is perfect. I’m unable to imagine a life without him.

The hesitancy to not rush right in with Gunner stems from me whole-heartedly believing that Gunner deserves the best version of me; a put-together, with-it woman, who is independent of her twin and able to provide for her son, by herself.

So instead of writing ‘Okay, we don’t need to go slow. Have me now!’ I text—

Me:I do know and I’m not going to deny how I feel either. I also just

need to figure a few things out.

Gunner Grey:Don’t be so hard on yourself. You know deep down how

incredible you are.

Gunner Grey:So how many times have you thought about our first kiss

huh? Good, eh? I pulled out a showstopper for you.

Cocky Gunner—This is new.

Me:It was okay. I mean like maybe a 5/10

Gunner Grey:Words can hurt Coralie – don’t be unkind. Although I know

you’re only joking because your little moans and whimpers told me otherwise.

Me:I was not moaning…

Gunner Grey:Yeah, you were.

Me:Guess you’ll just have to kiss me again. Jog my memory.

Gunner Grey:Peaches, I’m gonna do a lot more than kiss you.

But all in good time.

Me:Is that right, Mr. Grey?

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