Page 90 of She Wolf

She giggles and pushes me down again. “Why do you need your phone?”

“So, I can record you saying that. Bind you to a promise. Then I can play it to you when we’re older and you’re fed up with me.”

Sighing she nuzzles in. “I don’t think I’ll ever tire of you, Gunner Grey.”

I finish the last of my water and then pull her further up my body. I will never get enough of this woman.

We shower and amble downstairs, safe in the knowledge we still have a whole day and night left to get lost in each other.

Coralie passes me a coffee and hugs her oversized cup to her chest. Like the temperature isn’t already heading into the low eighties, and then scans the open-plan floor of the house. Scours the photo-frame-cluttered shelving, the cozy, comfy lounge area. Turning to take in the kitchen worktops and counter, like she’s looking for something she’s misplaced and then,

“He hated it here, you know?” Her brow furrows and she shakes her head,

My molars grind knowing exactly who she’s talking about. “What’s there to hate?” I grit out. “The beach is right out there, and this house is so beautiful.”

She nods and takes a sip of her latte. “I suppose it’s because my family love it here so much. We only came once with everyone. After that he’d make me give them an excuse Casey couldn’t talk me out of. He’d say he wanted to spend time with just me, then he’d go out and not come home for three or four days, while I sat watching the group chat blow up with photos of all my brothers making memories without me.”

I figure as hard as it is to hear, it’s harder for her to tell me so I pull the closest wooden stool out from under the breakfast bar, unfurl her left hand clasping it in mine and then I wait patiently, silently urging her to continue.

Her shoulders fold in and she stares, eyes downcast. “Christmas, he’d make a big song and dance about whisking me away to some fabulous winter retreat with the bonus he was due from work. My mom was always sad but wanted me and Jack to have our adventures.” Her pretty eyes pool with unshed tears and her words become shaky. I’m rooted to the spot unable to make head nor tail of how anyone could be so manipulative, so coercive.

“We never went, and I’d have to scramble two days before Christmas to get everything I’d need to make Christmas dinner. Luckily, Jack was none the wiser and when anyone would ask, I’d tell them we’d spent an intimate few days together, making out we wanted to pretend the outside world didn’t exist. Except,” she sniffs, “it was mostly just me and Jack watching animated movies and me baking the crippling homesickness away.” She sniffs again and swipes at her face while I round the corner and pull her into me, my heart hammering in my chest at all the ways he hurt her.

She pulls on the sleeves of her pretty gown. “He, he didn’t physically hurt me very often—I think he knew deep down somewhere that it was a totally cowardly thing to do but I honestly think he felt justified in the things he said about me and Jack. His spite got the better of him nine times out of ten, especially when fueled by alcohol or, what I suspect was probably coke.” She takes another gulp of her latte and I stand stunned. Unable to get my head around anything she’s saying.

She was raising a child—an amazing tiny human, while he was out getting fucked up. And then to make matters worse, coming home and taking out all the inadequacies he knew about himself and turning them into her problem.

“I’m so sorry Coralie. I’m so sorry you went through all that. If I could take it all away, you know I would.”

“I know that. God, you couldn’t be more opposite if you tried. You are so good, Gunner. It’s an overused word but you are just so inherently good. It’s why I didn’t want to rush into anything with you. I need you to stay in my brother’s life. In Jack’s life. You are the best person I know. I’m so scared that the common thread is me. That I’ll do something to make you see me differently once we go down this road together. I…I might not be enough for you either. You might end up seeing what he saw. What made him treat me the way he did, the way he hated me.”

“Hey, no.” My voice raises, and my head ricochets from side to side. I grasp at the sides of her face holding her head still, so she has to look at me. Has to hear me.

“Just, no. Coralie, there is nothing to hate. You are perfect and so goddamn easy to love. This, your whole marriage, what he did, it was all on him. Not you. Never you. Don’t. Don’t ever say anything like that again.”

I take in a ragged breath. “Jesus, you’ve had me by the balls since we first met. The way I feel about you…Coralie, we were meant to be together. I know why I got traded, why I was so drawn to Casey. It was because of you. For you. I’m meant to take care of you, of Jack.”

“Oh, Gunner,” she sobs.

Full, fat tears spill over onto her cheeks faster than I can wipe them away, so I just squash her to me while she lets it all out.

After a while she pulls away from me, sniffing and wiping her eyes on her robe sleeves.

Chapter Twenty

Coralie

“You know I love you right?” I tip my head so he can see the sincerity in my eyes. Yeah, they’re probably bloodshot and puffy but I don’t care because I’ve held this in for long enough. And as I feel my apprehensions fade away, all the feelings I’ve been holding back just come roaring through to the forefront.

I trust him like I trust my family. I need him like I need my next breath, and I love this man so much it makes me grieve for the time we’ve lost. Makes me yearn for the time we have left ahead of us.

“I… I—” He chokes on the breath he just took. I reach around and pat him on the back, a little cry-giggle slipping out.

“Don’t laugh at me, Coralie. Holy shit.” He tries to fill his lungs with air, but I can feel his heart hammering against my hand, although he quickly composes himself.

“I just got everything I ever wanted. Everything. I just, shit…” He straightens up and grabs at my hands. “I love you, more than anything. I love you and Jack more than anything in this world.”

And I know it’s true because I can feel it. Deep in my bones I know he loves me. Yeah, I’ve had doubts but were they really about him or me? It was mainly me feeling like I might not measure up and might ruin this somehow.

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