Page 91 of One More Chance

“If we’re lucky, only a few hours.” The last time he was called in for a search and rescue, he was gone for several days.

He leaves, and I get up to begin my morning.

I take Jasper out to do his business, and we go for a walk. But it’s not enough to soothe the restlessness that’s been building over the past week. I need to get out of town.

I need to visit the one person who understands why the next several days will be the toughest. Avery has been there for me for each anniversary. Not just for the death of my baby but also for Aiden’s.

While I’m in Portland, I might as well stock up on supplies for my subscription boxes and pack up what’s left of my stuff in Avery’s apartment—my old apartment.

I call Grams to see if she’s okay if I drop off Jasper with her. She loves it whenever he visits, and Avery’s apartment doesn’t allow pets. Then I call Zara to cancel out on girls’ night since I won’t be back in time.

“You’re bailing on us?” she says on the other end of the line.

“Sorry, something came up.”

She snort-laughs. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that’s a euphemism for Lucas is screwing your brains out. But since Lucas, Troy, and Garrett are searching for a missing boy, I know that’s not the case.”

A sighed laugh slips from me. “I wish it were a euphemism.”

There’s a pause on her end of the line. And for a fraction of a second, I wonder if she’s dropped the phone or vanished from the planet. “So, you’re okay?” Doubt cuts her voice like a serrated knife, and not for the first time, I question just how much Zara has figured out about what’s been going on with me.

About Lily.

About so many things.

“I’m fine. It’s not the first time those guys have been called to help rescue someone, and it won’t be the last.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it. Something’s going on with you—and Kim, Em, and I are worried.”

That’s the thing about being friends with people you grew up with. Even if you leave town for a decade and rarely contact them, they can still shovel through your bullshit.

I close my eyes and heave out a quiet breath. “I promise you I’m fine.”

“Okay. But remember we’re here if you need to talk.”

“Thanks.” The word comes out as a choked whisper, knowing I can’t tell my three closest friends the truth. It wouldn’t be right to confide in them and not tell Lucas.

We end the call.

I text Avery to let her know that I’m coming and that I will see her later. She’s at work.

Avery: I have a late meeting at work. Did you want to meet up for drinks or just hang out at the apartment?

Me: Drinks. I’m going to visit Lily’s grave first.

Avery: Did you want me to come with you?

Me: No, I think this time I need to go by myself. But thank you.

Avery: Do you still have the apartment key?

Me: Yes. :)

We make arrangements for the time and place we’re going to meet up.

I go into the bedroom closet and retrieve Lucas’s empty suitcase. I don’t think he ever uses it. It’s larger than most men need when they go on trips, but it’s the perfect size for packing some of my clothes while in Portland.

I wheel the suitcase out of the closet, set it on the bed, and unzip it. I lift the top and peer inside. Other than a shoebox that’s big enough to fit hiking boots, the suitcase is empty. I open the box. Inside is a thick stack of envelopes.

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