Page 35 of 2 Books in One Bundle

‘We met at a party when I was nineteen and went out for six months. To begin with everything was great. But then she wanted more.’

‘That’s not entirely unreasonable.’

‘I know.’ He drained his glass and refilled it. ‘So I tried to make it work. Iwantedto make it work. As you said, I even introduced her to my family. But that wasn’t enough. Apparently, I was unable to give her what she needed. I couldn’t commit to her—’ he winced ‘—emotionally.’

‘Was that true?’

‘I’m not very good at connecting on a deep personal level,’ he admitted, sounding as though he was having to grind out every word.

‘Or maybe you just weren’t as into her as she was to you.’

‘I was. Or at least I wanted to be. But it didn’t end well. I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong. She made her disappointment in me very clear. I’ve been careful to avoid a similar situation ever since.’

‘That’s understandable,’ Mia said, intensely disliking this woman whom she’d never met. ‘Who’d want to go through that again? Although itwassixteen years ago, which is a long time to let something like that dictate your sex life.’

‘I don’t deny I also like variety,’ he said with a faint quirk of his lips.

Hmm. ‘Yes, well, it seems to me that your so-called inability to connect on a deeper level isn’t all that hard to figure out.’

‘Isn’t it?’ he asked, shooting her a curious glance before returning it to the fire.

‘With parents like yours, who by the sounds of things were never around much and therefore didn’t engage with you when you were young, how could you ever have learned how to do anything else? Where were your role models?’

‘I suppose I didn’t really have any,’ he conceded after a beat.

‘Who supported you? Championed you? Listened to your worries?’

‘I dealt with everything on my own.’

As she had done. She’d had no support, no one to celebrate her successes or go to with her worries either, and for years she’d questioned her value.

For her, catering college had turned that around. Surrounded by like-minded people, being kept busy doing something she loved, even though she’d been grieving for the mother she’d lost, she’d slowly made friends and under the guidance of mentors had discovered her sense of self-worth. It had given her the courage to believe in herself and to set up on her own and had got her through some tough times in the beginning.

But who had he had? No one.

‘You were neglected,’ she said, feeling a sudden hot rush of anger on his behalf, there and gone in a flash. ‘You had no one to meet your emotional needs.’

He considered that for a moment then said with a nod, ‘I suspect you’re right.’

‘How on earth did you handle it?’

‘I learned not to let it affect me. Like you, there was nothing I could do to change it. I just had to accept it.’

‘There’s a world of difference between accepting a situation that was nobody’s fault and one that was.’

‘It’s worked for me so far.’

‘But it doesn’t sound as though it’s working for you now and I’m not sure what good leaving these things unaddressed has ever done anyone. So, having said all that, I do believe you canlearnto connect with other people on an emotional level.’

‘Can you?’

‘Absolutely,’ she confirmed with a nod. ‘I’m an example of that. I didn’t get what I needed from my parents either. Or, rather, I did, from one of them, but not for long. With no one around to validate your feelings and experiences you find yourself questioning your self-worth. Your self-esteem nosedives. You get used to doing everything on your own. You become so strong that any hint of vulnerability or any request for help feels like weakness. It’s hard to let people in. But you have to at some point, because no one is an island. Life is so much better with other people in it.’

‘I know that,’ he said. ‘Deep down, I’ve always wanted that. I’ve just never known how to do it.’

Her heart gave a little ache at that but she would not let it distract her. ‘I’m not saying it doesn’t take time because it does. And it’s not easy either. But you can’t move forward if you don’t understand and make peace with the past. And you can’t overcome your faults and your flaws if you don’t acknowledge them in the first place.’

Mia finished and took a sip of her tea while that sank in.

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