Page 38 of 2 Books in One Bundle

‘Do you want to go back?’ was as much of a question as he would risk.

‘No.’ Her voice was thick, hoarse.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. Just give me a minute. Please. I’ll be fine.’

The nausea churned. He shifted on the seat. But he complied with her request because that, at least, he could do.

Zander had brought her to Lapland. He’d remembered a throwaway comment she’d made at the dinner with his siblings two nights ago when they’d been talking about dream holiday destinations, which in hindsight had been pretty surreal since the globetrotting bunch had all been pretty much everywhere already, and turned it into a reality.

Throat tight, eyes stinging, but not because of the biting cold that had hit her the minute she’d got off the plane, Mia swallowed hard, struggling to contain the tears that were threatening to fall.

She’d been a mess ever since he’d told her with that lethal smile where they were. For three hours he’d wrecked her physically and then he’d destroyed her emotionally. How many times had her cosmos-obsessed mother read her stories in books they’d taken out of the library about the magical place where the sun never set in summer and barely rose in winter? How often had they talked about one day actually making the journey to the Arctic to gasp in awe at the Northern Lights and to wish upon the stars?

It had never happened. There’d never been enough money or time, and once the dementia had sunk in its teeth, no one had been travelling anywhere. But even when her mother had been at her most confused and Mia at her most distressed, in her increasingly rare moments of lucidity she’d talked excitedly about when they would go, how they would get there and what they might do, and just for a while Mia had allowed herself to believe it, a beacon of light in the darkness, a flicker of hope in the desolation.

She missed her mother so much she felt as though her heart had been ripped from her chest. Her emotions had burst through the dam she’d built to contain them and were now rushing through her like a roaring river, so powerful, so strong that they crushed the air from her lungs.

She was filled with a bone-deep sense of loss. She ached with the agony of longing for things she’d never have. Such as this, the experience of a lifetime that she and her mother had dreamed of so often but had never got to share. Such as the maternal support and advice and the unique bond created by a child. The grandparent her child would never get to know.

But she couldn’t collapse in a heap on Zander. This trip of his had been a lovely idea. She didn’t want to ruin it for either of them, which she could tell she was in danger of doing because he was clearly thrown by her reaction. The tension and bewilderment radiated off him in waves.

So, as the sun emerged for its brief daily dalliance with the horizon, she took a deep breath and fought for control. Determinedly, she buried the grief that still had the power to blindside her when she least expected it and blinked back the tears. She focused on the landscape and let the beauty and serenity of the scenery sweep away the sorrow.

Thick snow lay on the ground and clung to trees that soared into the clear blue sky and cast long shadows. They passed through no villages, encountered no other vehicle, nothing but the dark green and blinding white forest for mile after otherworldly mile and the occasional glimpse of a reindeer.

Zander didn’t ask her what was wrong. She supposed he didn’t want to invade her privacy. But once she’d composed herself, she swallowed hard and told him anyway because she needed to clear the air.

‘I’m sorry about that,’ she said, her words sounding loud in the thick, swirling silence of the back seat. ‘My mother and I planned this trip. We never got to make it. It threw me a bit. Sometimes I miss her so much it hurts.’

For a moment he said nothing. Then he let out a long, slow breath and his entire body relaxed. ‘I had no idea.’

‘Why would you?’

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze that she felt from head to toe. ‘I know it’s not the same,’ he said gruffly, ‘but you have my family now.’

And then he pulled her into his arms and gave her a kiss that was hot and hard and so full offeelingthat her eyes started stinging all over again.

The glass and wood cabin at which they soon arrived was built on stilts, halfway up a hillside, nestled high amongst the trees. The driver took their bags up and then departed, leaving them utterly alone in this winter wonderland, but she didn’t need anyone else. She just needed him.

However, since daylight in this part of the world at this time of the year was limited, they decided to save test driving the bed for later and take the snowmobile out for a spin instead.

‘Do you know how to drive this thing?’ Mia asked, only slightly reassured by the fact that she was so wrapped up in the thick winter clothing provided that if she did fall off at least her baby would be protected.

Zander stepped in close and put a helmet on her head. ‘I do,’ he murmured, taking his time as he did up the strap, brushing his fingers over what little skin was visible and making her shiver, deliberately, she suspected. ‘Back in the day, before I took over the company and had more time, I spent a lot of time in the mountains. Skiing, snowboarding, I was up for anything.’

‘Did you mind about having to give that up?’

‘Not at all. I always wanted Leo’s job. He was never happy in the role but clung onto it out of a misguided sense of duty until he met Willow and saw the light. I’m much better at it than he was.’

That remark, along with the wicked grin that accompanied it, made her heart flip with relief. She hadn’t ruined anything. If anything, their connection felt closer and deeper than ever.

Reminding herself that she must not do anything else to spoil things, Mia hopped on the back of the two-person machine and clung on as Zander sped them through the eerily quiet wilderness and into a snowy canyon that featured a huge frozen waterfall so stunningly beautiful she wanted to weep. They had a drink in the fairy light lit restaurant of an ice hotel that was reconstructed every year, then he showed her how to drive the snowmobile and she took them back in the twilight, weaving through ancient pines and past picturesque lakes while he curled his big body around her, making her feel so protected, so safe that she didn’t ever want it to stop.

Back at the cabin, they warmed up in front of a roaring fire that cast dancing golden shadows across the rugs. Zander assembled a late lunch while Mia stood at the huge picture window through which warm light spilled out and watched a pair of arctic fox cubs frolicking in the snow.

‘Thank you for this,’ she said over cheesebaked into the shape of a pie and served with cloudberry jam and a bowl oflohikeitto,her smile soft, her throat tight, her heart thumping at twice its usual rate. ‘And I don’t just mean lunch. Today has been amazing.’

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