Page 43 of Secret Triplets for Christmas

He sighed. “You’re the one who has regret in her eyes. I’m only apologizing because I can see that you regret this.” He stood and held out his hand to help me up.

“Not regret, but… we can’t do this again.”

I saw a flash of pain in his eyes, but then he nodded and handed me my clothes. "Okay. You’re right.”

There was something in the way he so easily agreed that stung a little, even though I was the one setting the boundaries. It made me realize how easy it would be to fall for him all over again and how I couldn't afford to let that happen.

“I’ll give you a moment.” He walked away, and while I appreciated a moment to get my thoughts and feelings under control, I knew he needed time too.

I dressed, and when he returned, he was wearing a robe with the hotel logo on it. He went to his mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and brought it to me.

“Thank you.” I took a sip and tried to think of a way to leave without it being hurtful or awkward.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. Just thinking about things.”

“Like what?”

"Life. Choices." I realized that five years ago, I would have told Oliver everything that was going on inside me. That was how it had been between us. I told him everything, and he’d always been there for me. But of course, I couldn’t do that now.

He sighed. “Sometimes, we have to make difficult choices, and it's not always clear whether they're right or wrong."

"Have you ever made a choice you regretted?" Once I said it, I knew the answer. He’d told me he felt like he’d let Liam down. He’d regretted having sex with me five years ago. At this point, he probably regretted having sex tonight.

"Of course. But I’m realizing that we can't change the past no matter how much we wish we could. We can only learn from it and move forward."

"Move forward?” I had an image of me and Oliver and the girls, smiling and laughing and happy. That was a forward place I’d like to go, but how could that happen when my secret blocked the path? The longing to tell him everything and free myself from the burden of lies burned in my gut. And yet, I couldn't take the risk of what could happen by revealing the truth.

"Whatever is bothering you, Lindsay, remember that you don't have to face it alone. You have people who care about you and want to help." I appreciated that he wasn’t pushing me for details. And he was right. I had my father and Mira… except they didn’t know the truth either.

I nodded. “Thank you, Oliver.” I wanted to hug him, to seek comfort in his arms.

For a moment, we stared at each other. Finally, Oliver said, “I’m thinking about going to the FBI to find out if Liam was talking to them as Johnny and Darcy suggested. If you’d like, I can let you know what I find out. Or if you’d rather we stayed apart… I’ll understand.”

The thought of not seeing Oliver again sent an unexpected stab of pain through my heart. As much as I tried to convince myself that walking away from him would be for the best to keep my secret safe, some part of me still craved his presence. How could I want him to leave and yet need him to stay? How could I resolve this without risking his opinion of me or custody of my girls?

He smiled. “It’s fine, Lindsay. I can let Donovan know what I find, if anything.”

"Actually, I want to go with you to the FBI."

The surprise in his eyes told me he hadn't expected my response. To be honest, I was a little surprised myself.

“I want to be involved and stay informed,” I said.

"Alright. I’ll call them tomorrow and make an appointment. Is there a time I should try for?”

“I took the week off. I need to clean up my place.”

“Is that something I can help you with?”

God, how I wanted to say yes. But he couldn’t enter my home without seeing evidence of the girls. “I’ve got it under control. But thank you.”

When I returned homethat night, sneaking into my father and Mira's house felt absurdly foolish. It was like I was a teenager trying to avoid getting caught. But I wanted to avoid talking to my dad or Mira and risking their figuring out that I’d had sex with Oliver. I wasn’t sure how they’d do that, but the fear was there anyway.

I checked on my girls, kissing their sleeping faces goodnight, and once again grappled with the guilt of keeping their father in the dark.

I tiptoed out of their room, doing my best to keep the door quiet as I closed it.

---