Page 42 of Secret Triplets for Christmas

A tsunami of panic washed through me. In desperation, I cupped her cheek with my hand. “I needed you that night, Lindsay. I… ah…” Jesus fuck, what did I say? Should I tell her how I felt? How seeing her again has made it clear that my feelings for her are still as strong as ever?

“I needed you too.” She leaned in, pressing her lips on mine. I supposed that she only intended it to be a sweet, comforting kiss. But the minute her taste hit my lips, all-consuming need hit me.

I slanted my head, running my tongue along the seam of her lips, fully expecting her to pull away in shock. Instead, she opened for me, inviting me in.

Love mixed with guilt, longing with confusion. The scent of her filled my nostrils as I took the kiss deeper. I shouldn’t be doing this. But God help me, I couldn’t stop. Not when she let out that sexy little groan. Not when her fingers threaded through my hair, holding me to her.

My tongue danced with hers. Fiery explosions of need coursed through my blood.

“Lindsay,” I murmured, “tell me you want this.” I needed to hear the words. She wanted me. Needed me. Not Liam. Not Donovan. Me. How pathetic was that?

“Oliver.”

She didn’t say she wanted or needed me, but it was my name on her lips. I let go of control and instead, like I had five years ago, I let desire and need take the reins. My hands slid under her top, finding her skin soft and warm. I pushed her clothing away until her tits were free, filling my hands, making my mouth water.

My moves were frantic, erratic. I was driven by the fear that she’d push me away. I wanted to drown in her as much as I could until that moment came. But with each touch, each kiss, she pulled me closer.

When we were both naked, I pushed her back, laying my body over hers, savoring the soft, silky warmth of her skin radiating through mine. I kissed her hard and deep. It seemed impossible that she wouldn’t be able to taste my need for her, my love for her.

I hooked her leg over my hip, opening her to me as my dick found its way to her entrance. Fucking hell… I was burning up with need.

Her fingers dug into my ass, her hands pulling hard until I sank into her hot sweetness. Emotion whipped through me. Feelings of love. Rightness. Peace. Home. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes because even now, I knew she’d never be mine. Not really. Maybe she and Liam had been done, but he was still between us. He would always be between us.

13

Lindsay

This shouldn’t be happening, and yet, I couldn’t stop it. Oliver was seeped inside me, filling me, and it was the sweetest perfection. There was something about the way Oliver looked at me, touched me, that was unlike anyone else I’d been with. Not that I’d had a lot of lovers. The last had been Oliver. Before Liam, there had only been two others, both boyfriends, not hookups. How strange that Oliver was a hookup both five years ago and now, but the experience felt deeper, fuller.

My mind was having a tug-of-war. I was desperate for him to understand that my romantic love for Liam had been gone by the time I’d hooked up with Oliver. At the same time, I tried to make him think Liam and I slept together on Halloween. Liam and I had connected on Halloween five years ago, but we’d only talked. I remember thinking how tired and rundown he appeared. I thought it was from living a harder, more dangerous life, and I suppose I wasn’t wrong. I just hadn’t realized then that he was walking a dangerous line by essentially being a mole for the mob.

Oliver groaned as he withdrew and thrust in, forcing my guilty thoughts away and pulling me into the present.

"God, Lindsay."

The desperate need in his voice sent shivers through me. I wrapped my legs around his hips and focused on the sensations of his fingers caressing my skin, his lips along my neck, his dick pulsing inside me. I felt all of it deep in my soul.

No, I shouldn’t be doing this because being like this made me yearn for him. But I couldn’t have him. So this moment, while lovely and pleasurable, was also unbearably sad.

He kissed me again, and I drank in his taste, his scent, his touch. I wanted to remember it forever.

“Fuck… I’m going to come… Lindsay…”

“Yes. Now.” I arched into him, and when he drove into me again, sparks ignited like a flash fire through my blood.

He let out a feral growl and pumped hard and fast, filling me with his essence. We rocked, we bucked in the pleasurable dance of desire. I wanted to let go, to savor the sweetness of the moment. But the shadow of my lie hung over me, preventing me from fully enjoying it.

He collapsed over me, his breath unsteady as he kissed my neck. My heart pounded in my chest, still racing from the intensity of our encounter. The warmth of Oliver's body and his tender touch was both comforting and agonizing as I tried to untangle the web of emotions of desire and guilt that swirled in a confusing mass. I ached to grab hold of him and never let him go, but I couldn’t. The reality of my situation hit me like a bucket of cold water. Like Liam, I was playing a dangerous game. Maybe I wasn’t risking my life, but I was risking my girls. Risking my heart. Risking hurting this lovely man if he learned the truth.

My breath stalled as my deception weighed heavily on my chest.

He lifted his head. "Are you okay?"

"Fine… just lost in thought." My voice faltered, betraying the turmoil eating me alive.

He studied me and then shook his head as he began to rise. “I’m sorry—”

I pressed my hand over his mouth. “Don’t. Don’t tell me you regret this, that you think you’ve betrayed Liam.” I let the anger of that push out my guilt. Anger was easier to deal with than guilt.

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