Page 41 of Breaking Bristol

I dropped my head and pinched the bridge of my nose so I wouldn’t snort from laughing so hard. Her lightening the mood helped alleviate some of the nerves I’d had talking about Mikey, and when I looked up, she had a satisfied grin pulling at her lips, and I knew she did that on purpose. “You’re good, sweetheart.”

She didn’t admit she used her psychology skills on me, just raised a brow and sipped her wine.

Was I finally ready to tell her the rest of what’d happened? I guess I was because the next thing I knew, the words began pouring out of me. “So…we were with our cousin Susie in the woods. Mikey climbed in a tree that he’d climbed a hundred times before. A branch snapped, and he fell out, resulting in a broken shoulder and ankle that required surgery.” I shuddered at the memory. “What we didn’t know at the time was he also sustained a spinal fracture, but it was missed in the ER. He ended up hurting it worse and needed extensive surgery, and then he went home on a lot of painkillers… more than he did with his surgery a few months prior.”

“Oh no…” I had a feeling she knew what I was going to say, but I continued.

“It started with pills, pot, a combination of pills, then snorting, injecting whatever he could get his hands on… Until no matter what he tried or how much help he got, that horrific disease eventually claimed his life.” I sighed. “That’s what it is, you know? It’s a disease. He wasn’t a bad guy, he wasn’t looking for handouts…he wasn’t a loser.”

Bristol’s eyes filled with tears. She again reached across the table and held my hand. Her support offered with a gentle touch was more reassuring to me than anything anyone else had said up until now. “I know that. And I know sorry doesn’t mean much, but I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been on you.”

“Yeah.” I strummed my fingers on the white tablecloth. “Looking back, knowing what I do now, there were so many signs. I wish I’d have recognized them then, but I had no clue. My parents didn’t either until it was too late. It’s something we all have to live with every day for the rest of our lives.” I took a much-needed breath. “I thought since I couldn’t save him, maybe I could some other kid. Maybe I could prevent a family from going through the hell that mine did.”

“It’s hard to go through things like that and not feel responsible for what you think you missed,” she told me softly. “I’d bet that you being there for him whenever he’d let you meant the world to him and gave him hope. I have no doubt he’s looking down on you with so much love and pride for the man you’ve become.”

I hadn’t let myself get vulnerable about Mikey in a long time, but listening to her say that made me realize how much responsibility I still held for his death. “Thanks for saying that.”

“I’m not just saying it. I truly believe it, Matthew.”

At every turn, this woman continued to be a dream come true. If she was this supportive over my brother, I prayed she’d give me that same grace when I told her about what I did to Gage. I hadn’t planned on telling her tonight, but I suddenly found myself opening my mouth to confess before I chickened out. “I need to te—”

“Your entrées, sir.” Our server interrupted me as he set our plates down. We had to cut into our steaks to make sure they were done to our liking before he walked away, and that gave me the time to realize how thankful I was for the interruption.

“What were you saying?” she asked once he was out of earshot.

Nothing anymore. I guess that was the universe’s way of saying it wasn’t the right time. “Nothing, sweetheart. Go ahead and eat.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, you don’t want it to get cold.”

“All right.” She moaned around the first bite, and when I groaned at the seductive noise, she lifted her eyes to me and apologized, keeping the sexy noises to a minimum. Conversation moved to much lighter topics and by the time we’d finished our dessert, she was just on the edge of tipsy. The toe of her shoe traced up and down my calf. “Can we go dancing?”

“What kind of dancing?”

“Um… regular?” She was adorably funny without even trying, and I wanted nothing more than to keep that smile on her face.

“If that’s what you want.” Her swaying her gorgeous, tempting body, and me getting to watch and touch her while she did? Hell yes, I’d take her dancing. I paid the bill and pulled her close, rubbing the length of her bare arm to keep her warm as we found our way to my truck. I knew just the place to take her, or at least I thought I did. The instant we walked inside, I regretted it.

I should have said no. I knew better than to take her out around a bunch of drunk, horny guys. But all she had to do was bat her eyelashes at me, and I caved. Plus, I really wanted to see what she could do and feel all those curves against me.

Lawless was more than triple the size of Warrenville, but it was still a small town in a lot of respects. I immediately recognized a half dozen guys from softball league and my boxing gym, both of which I hadn’t participated in since I’d been back from Germany, so when they saw I had a woman on my arm, their eyes widened in shock.

Everyone knew what happened and the effects it had on me. Even if I wasn’t good friends with someone, it was obvious how badly it fucked me up. Some people brought it up, others pretended it didn’t happen, but everyone was well aware. I’d lived in Lawless my whole life and knew a lot of people, so when it all went to shit, there was no way to hide from it.

I wanted to, and I’d tried. Really hard. I jumped right back into work and kept busy to keep my mind off it; every life I had a hand in saving was a miniscule part of helping me move on. My family worried about me and did what they could, but meeting Bristol healed me more than anything, at least as good as I was going to get.

We got drinks, her a tequila sunrise and me a beer. The bar was packed, so she sat on the only open stool, and I stood between her and the man next to her. It didn’t take long before a few guys came up and talked to us. I had introduced her to a buddy from the softball league I used to be in, an anesthesiologist, and finally a friend I’d known since high school. “This is Grayson. Gray my girl, Bristol.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said, shooting me a glance that said we’d be talking later.

“You, too.”

“Are you with someone?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Was supposed to be. I let a now ex-friend of mine set me up on a blind date. We were at dinner and ordered food, then she said she had to go to the bathroom and never came back.”

“What?” I laughed.

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