Page 134 of The Naughty List

“And then we did it and it was great. And then we kept doing it because it was so great, so much better than anyone else I’ve ever been with. It felt right, you know?”

She nods, trying to keep up without getting disgusted from hearing all of this from her daughter.

“Well, then he said he loved me.”

She gasps. “Well, that’s what you wanted, right?”

I nod. “I did, but not like that. Why couldn’t he tell me before? Why couldn’t he love me when it was just him and me. Why say it after I bend over backwards to sleep with him?”

“Oh, honey,” she says, rubbing her hand up and down my back to soothe me. “Men are stupid. They say the worst things at the worst times, but I’ve come to learn, if they say it, it’s true. Don’t let the timing ruin this. He said it, that’s what matters.”

“You really think so?”

She nods. “Do you love him?”

“I’ve always loved him, Mom. For as long as I can remember. It’s always been him. I knew it when I was seven years old and I still know it today.”

“Then go to him. Forgive him. Be honest with your feelings before it’s too late. Trust me, bitterness, anger, and resentment can destroy you. That’s why your father left, you know? He broke my heart and I never could forgive him. He left before you were even born. It killed us, and I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you. Who cares if he didn’t say the words when you wanted to hear them. The point is that he said them.”

I look up at her and know she’s right. I nod my head and dry my tears.

“That’s my girl.”

She leaves my room and that’s when I grab my phone and call him. The phone rings and rings and rings, but it always goes to voicemail. I wonder where he’s at, if he’s gotten himself into some kind of trouble, and I pray that he didn’t run to Big Boobs for comfort. There was once a day when he’d run to me, but that was before I chased him off.

I wait and I pray, and I pray and I wait. I pace the floor back and forth in front of my window, waiting to see his car pull in the drive or waiting for his bedroom light to flicker on, but it never does and I end up falling asleep around four in the morning.

The first thing I do when I wake up is rush to my window. His car still isn’t home and I’m getting more worried. But I tell myself that Carson has always been responsible. That he probably just had too much to drink and he stayed somewhere else so he didn’t have to drive home. I go for breakfast, coffee, and a shower. When I get out, I check again. Still no car.

I feel like I can’t move on, not until I see him, talk to him, explain and tell him how sorry I am. I don’t leave my room. I sit and find things to keep my mind busy. I read old books, go through my old things, finding notes between me and Carson, and look through old yearbooks. I clean out some of the trash and finally start unpacking my boxes that got shipped from school. Every couple of hours, I look out my window, hoping and praying, but there is still no sign of him. I finally lose my patience and call his mom’s home phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Felicity. Have you heard from Carson?”

“I have, dear. He’s gone back to the city. Something came up at work and he needed to address it, but he’s still coming to the New Year’s party.”

I let out a sigh of relief, knowing that he’s safe. “Are you sure? You don’t think he’ll blow it off, do you?”

“I made him promise.”

“Okay, thank you.”

I hang up the phone and try calling him again, but there’s no answer.

Almost immediately my phone dings.

Carson: I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding your calls, but I’m just not ready yet. We’ll get over this, I know we will. I just need more time.

Felicity: Please come to the party. I need to see you.

Carson: I already told my mom that I will be there.

Felicity: I know, but I know how you are.

Carson: Felicity, I’m trying here. Please, just give me a break. I’m trying to give you what you asked for.

Felicity: What I asked for? What did I ask for?

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