Page 133 of The Naughty List

“Ugh, Ben. The guy I’ve been dating for the last two years. Remember? I’ve sent you pictures of us.”

“Oh, yeah,” I say, remembering the pictures because I cropped him out. “That’s…that’s some news,” I say, not knowing what to say.

“Yeah, so what do you think? Should I say yes?”

“You mean, you haven’t answered him yet?”

“No, I told him I needed to think about it. I mean, we’re still so young, you know? What if we graduate and want different things?”

“Yes! Exactly! You are too young. People…grow and change and, and, and want different things.”

“I know. I’m just so taken off guard. I mean, we’re not even living together or anything yet.”

“Right. God, what if you get married and find a million things you can’t stand. Like he doesn’t put down the toilet seat, or he leaves his face hair all over the sink? Or” And I only say this because I know how much she hates it when I do it. “Or what if he spits all the time.”

“Ugh, I haven’t even thought of that yet. I mean, we really haven’t spent that much time alone together, you know. I mean, we’ve dated for a long time, but the most we’ve ever been together is what, a weekend?”

“Exactly. I think this is something you need to think about long and hard. There’s no going back from something like this.”

“I know,” she says, sounding like a child.

“So, you’re going to think about this, right? You’re not just going to get off the phone and tell him yes?”

“No, I’m going to think about it.”

“Good girl,” I say, finally able to breathe. “Keep me updated.”

“I will and thank you.”

“For what?”

“For everything.”

There’s a long pause.

“Bye, Carson.”

“Bye, sweetheart.”

I hear the phone click and the call ends. That’s when my panic begins.

17

FELICITY

I’m in shock when he gets up and storms out. What did I do wrong? I thought passing the gift along would be a good idea. I thought it would calm his fears of me never forgiving him. I thought it was an olive branch, especially after having the conversation we had in his room. I took it back. I took it all back. There’s nothing to fight over. Why is he acting this way?

I get up and chase after him. He sees me, but it doesn’t stop him, and it feels like he just drove right over me. He’s never run from me before. He’s always run to me, whether to save me, hug me, or be friends with me. He’s never run the other way. Not until now, that is. I should have listened to him. We never should have slept together. Why didn’t I listen? For years, he wanted me as much as I wanted him, but he wouldn’t allow it in fear of ruining what we already had. But I wouldn’t listen. I took what I wanted and it’s ruined everything. I hate him about as much as I hate myself right now.

I watch until his car is no longer visible from my place in the road, then I run back home instead of back to his house. I can’t show my face in there now. Not after all of this. I go home and fling myself onto my bed, tears rushing from my eyes. It doesn’t take my mom long to come and find me. She sits on the edge of the bed and rubs my back.

“Are you ready to talk now?”

I nod as I sob. “Carson and I slept together,” I admit.

She nods. “I know. I’ve heard all about it. Everything from the Santa themed bra to the blanket fort.”

My face blushes. “For years, I wanted him and he wanted me. But he would never go for it. He was afraid of ruining our friendship. But I kept pushing. I thought that if we slept together, I could get over him or that maybe it would make him see how great we could be.” I wipe my tears and she nods.

---