Page 113 of The Naughty List

“I realize now that I never should have called things off with you. And I’m sorry that it took me so long to see it. It’s just that, the holidays make you think, you know? Make you think about what you’re thankful for and really puts things into perspective. It’s just that when you said you didn’t want the whole marriage and kids thing, it threw me for a loop. I mean, you’re a great guy with a good job. Marriage and kids are usually part of the package. But I see now that I acted a little hastily. If it’s time you need, I’ll give that to you. I can wait for those things. I just need to know that at some point, you do see us getting there.”

I sit back, thinking over her words. Gillian and I had spent nearly five years of our lives together. She’s the closet thing I’ve had to a lasting adult relationship. But that was back when I thought that Felicity was out of the question. Still, I had feelings for her. Strong feelings. Maybe even love but I don’t know how true that is. I felt more for her than I had anyone up to that point. So I thought that was what love was. But now, now that Felicity and I are in such a good place, I don’t know.

“Is that Felicity?” Gillian asks, looking out the window.

I lean forward in my chair, finding Felicity standing in her window, shock evident on her face.

I quickly pull my phone from my pocket and send her a text.

Me: I’ll explain later.

I tuck the phone away and look back out the window, watching her read it. She looks up at me and nods once before turning away.

“So you’re both home at the same time, huh? That has to be exciting, just like the good ol’ days.”

I take a deep breath. “I don’t know what you’re wanting me to say here, Gillian. I mean, you broke up with me three months ago. I haven’t heard from you since. And then you show up here, completely unexpected and say what? That you want to get back together but only if I can promise you a ring and a kid?”

Her eyes flutter closed. “I know this must all be a shock to you. I’ve been thinking about it for months. Don’t worry, though. I’m not asking you to make up your mind today. You can think about it. But please, think about it. Don’t just push this aside. We have five years behind us. It’s too much to just give up don’t you think?”

I don’t know what to say, so I just stand up. She stands up with me and she steps up to my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. I place my arms around her and hug her lightly, noticing how this doesn’t feel anything like it does when it’s Felicity in my arms.

“Come on. I’ll show you out.”

I show her to the door and I step out with her. I see Felicity and her mom in the car, but they haven’t backed out of the drive yet. I can feel Felicity’s eyes watching me. To my surprise, Gillian steps up to me and the next thing I know, she’s pressing her mouth to mine. I pull back quickly, looking at Felicity in the car again. Hurt and pain is reflecting in her eyes.

“Sorry, I guess it’s too soon, huh?” Gillian says when I reject her kiss.

“Yeah, too soon,” I agree, but I highly doubt we’re talking about the same thing. It’s too soon for me to be hurting Felicity this way, and that’s exactly what I’ve done.

9

FELICITY

What the fuck is Big Boobs doing over there with him? He told me that they broke up. Did he lie? No, Carson doesn’t lie to me, especially about things like that. So what’s she doing there? Is she trying to get him back? Over my dead body. He’s mine. He always says that I’m his and have been since we were kids. Well, he’s mine and has been since he was ten years old. I don’t know what she’s doing, but I’m not going down without a fight. I finally have something to fight for.

I walk away from the window and Mom’s finally ready. I grab my things and head out to the car. She’s only a few steps behind me and she climbs behind the wheel. She sets her purse in her lap and starts digging through it, looking for the keys. That’s when I notice Carson’s front door open and he comes walking out with her. She says something to him and he looks at me. I can see something on his face. Sorrow, anger, something. He glances back at her and she sneaks a kiss on him. He pulls back like he’s been slapped, but the damage has been done. My lips are no longer the last to touch his. That thought alone makes me want to curl up and cry.

Carson was always a bit of a player, but I never thought he’d play me. I tell myself not to overreact. He clearly didn’t want the kiss, not like he wants my kisses anyway. Since hooking up yesterday, he hasn’t been able to keep his hands off of me. In fact, it seems he would be completely content just staying in bed with me all day, but Gillian, Big Boobs as I call her, she’s trying to throw a wrench in our plan.

Mom finally finds her keys and she starts the car up and backs out of the drive. I tear my eyes away from them on their front porch and focus on spending the day with my mom. We drive to the center of town and get out to walk around the square. It’s just as full as yesterday with everyone out to enjoy the ice rink.

“You remember when I would bring you and Carson here every year?”

I smile and nod. “Of course.”

“I remember that time you called me, crying and asking me to pick you up early. You never did tell me what happened.”

I laugh. “It’s stupid, Mom.”

“Either way, I’d like to know.”

“I had a huge crush on Carson, but he was too old for me. He was pushing eighteen and I was only turning fifteen. He was there to meet his girlfriend and I went to meet my boyfriend at the time.”

“I didn’t know you even had a boyfriend then.”

I laugh. “I know. I didn’t tell anyone. He was sixteen and Carson hated him. Anyway, I thought that I could make Carson jealous and I don’t know, get his attention or something. But we ended up fighting about it and he left with his girlfriend. Anyway, I bought us both a hot chocolate and I planned on giving it to him and telling him I was sorry and asking if he’d go on a carriage ride with me. When I went to find him, I saw him getting on the carriage with his girlfriend and it broke my heart. I threw the hot chocolate away and called you to pick me up.”

She gives me a sympathetic look. “Oh, honey. You and Carson have been running headlong into each other for years for a reason.”

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