Page 87 of Live To Tell

“Did you have new information to share?” I sit straighter.

“No, but I can talk to the people you can’t and find information you need.”

Spending life with a closed expression and attitude helps immensely in situations like this. “Dorian doesn’t want to investigate the tiara.”

“Since when would that stop you?” She narrows her eyes. “You’re excluding me.”

“Only excluding information given by a third party who doesn’t wish to be identified.”

Huffing, she sinks back on the bed. “So, yes?”

“I’m confused why the sudden interest when not long ago you constantly worried someone might kill you.”

“I know but—”

“Someone might kill you, Holly.”

“Who?”

I shrug. “If I knew, I’d kill them first.”

Holly chuckles, but that cuts dead when I don’t smile. “Okay. I see the problem now.”

I don’t think she does.

Chapter 30

VIOLET

Holly leaves to spend time with Chase, and since then, I’ve remained in the room, confused what to do next. At least Rowan messaged to tell me Leif’s okay but did not elaborate—now I understand Rowan’s frustration when I do the same. Rowan must be aware of everything that eventuated today, but intimated nothing in his brief message.

I’m nauseous and can’t stop picturing the strain on Leif’s face when we sat with the elders and afterwards. The strange feeling that Leif left me with when he walked away earlier won’t leave.

Rejection.

Leif rejected me, and the girl who would once have never cared doesn’t know how to deal with this. Do I go to Leif? Explain why I said what I did to the elders? Leif doesn’t understand how big a deal it is that I told people he’s my consort. I’m left with two conclusions: Leif has no interest in being ‘one of’ the guys in my life or he hates that I reduced him to that word.

But old-fashioned people require old-fashioned concepts and simply telling the elders that I loved and cared for Leif would wash right over them.

Love.

Again, that abstract concept I’m struggling to unravel and understand. If I didn’t have such a level of affection for Leif, I would never insist on interfering. I’d never care that I might’ve upset him—or feel this sickness when he left me.

I’ve spent a life surrounded by love, for me and within my whole family, and understand there’re different versions. That’s what confuses me. The fondness I’ve developed for Holly that has me on the verge of doing... something to remove Chase from her life is love on some level. My understanding of the emotion also tells me he most certainly doesn’t love her. Despite his name, Holly’s the one pursuing Chase for his attention. He only spends time with her when it suits him, but Holly refuses to see this. That mismatch of emotions heralds disaster on a greater scale than when Ollie tossed her aside.

Rowan and Leif are similar to Dorian and my other fathers—they don’t have a physical love for each other, that’s abundantly clear, but each would step in to protect the other without a thought and have done many times.

Naturally, I’ve researched the definition of love and that’s only confused me more, but one element stands out. The very thing that makes me ‘their’ Violet rather than the one who never belonged to anybody—I’m invested in each of the guys’ safety and happiness. In their lives.

Physical love? That’s a deeper connection ‘their Violet’ has yet to explore fully, but one that’s prompted another change. If I didn’t love these guys, I’d never crave their attentions. Because I’m growing aware that I do want more. The comfort in Leif’s hugs, and how his scent draws me to wanting more of his warmth. The naturalness of Rowan’s touch and how his gentleness can give way to a desire he manages to hold back—for now.

And Grayson.

That frozen moment in my room when his lips touched mine, when the simmering need I deny almost unleashed. And when everything did unleash and led to damaged lockers and a new understanding between us. Grayson looks at me in a rawer way than Leif or Rowan, either because he can’t—or doesn’t want to—hide the need burning behind his emerald eyes.

I blow air into my cheeks and almost slap myself around the head. Focus on something I can find a solution for and fit everything neatly into place once I do.

The tiara. Madison. These are facts to find and solve. Solve emotions? That’s never going to happen.

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