Page 138 of Live To Tell

“When the shadows consume this Rowan, I'll lose you.”

Rowan takes a sharp breath. “They won't.”

“But you keep succumbing.” I peel his fingers from my cheek. “Please don't reach the point where we need to stop touching.”

He smiles wryly. “Words I never expected Violet Blackwood to say.”

“I'm serious. Part of you is obsessed by my darkness, Rowan, and that's as dangerous as if Grayson were to take my blood.” I rub my cheek. “And he's the opposite. Grayson doesn't want what's inside me.”

Rowan’s cool lips meet mine, one palm across my cheek, fingers sliding into my hair. Rowan kisses me softly, cajoling, as he silences me with the light and love he shares, not shadows.

“If you could promise never to lose yourself to the hybrid, then I could promise to control the magic. But you can't. Not in extreme situations,” he whispers, nudging his nose against mine. “Not when someone you love is threatened. So, I can't promise, Violet.”

He's calm, not the furious Rowan who yelled at me for weakening him, but that doesn't change who this witch is. And that frightens me. Not because Rowan could threaten lives, but because he threatens his own.

“You forgive me for last night?” he asks.

“I am extremely uncomfortable with the decision you made, but we're not in the position to create discord between us, Rowan. I hope Leif forgives me because we all need to pull together now.”

Rowan’s face tenses. “Leif’s freaked out about the hold Viktor had on him. He’s happy you smacked him in the face.”

I frown. “Happy may be an exaggeration.”

“And Leif definitely isn’t a construct?” asks Rowan warily.

“No! I told Leif at the time I looked inside his head that somebody tampered with his mind. I think Viktor needs to be close by to influence Leif.” I pause. “We’ll fix Leif, now we’ve a better idea what happened to his mind.”

“I hope so, Violet. He’s seriously messed up about this.”

“Let me find him. Is he waiting with Grayson?”

“Yeah, Grayson's excited about his visit Chez Blackwood.”

I frown. “I would expect the opp... Oh. You're joking.”

“They're out the front. Come on.” Rowan crosses to the bed and grabs my rucksack before throwing it over one shoulder.

We wander from Darwin House towards the steps leading into the academy, where Leif and Grayson wait beneath the threatening rain clouds. I spent a little time with Leif last night, mortified by what I did and profusely apologizing, but as usual he shrugged that off. Can Viktor still alter Leif's mind and if so, how close does he need to be?

We've a lot to talk about with Dorian and my family today.

Grayson’s gaze remains on me as I walk over. He’s the one guy I haven’t spoken to yet, because I’ve confused thoughts about what happened. I’m angry he contributed to Viktor’s escape but should be relieved he stopped me from killing. Viktor’s words about losing myself when I do kill still shudder through me. Yes. Grayson did the right thing, but if something happens to Holly…

And I attacked him again when I swore I never wanted to lose him.

I sit on the wall beside Leif and hug him tight, whispering to ask if he’s okay and getting a nod in response. As Rowan joins us, Chase walks through the double doors and starts to hop down the steps. Asshole. Always one step ahead of Holly, as if they can't be seen as a couple. I wait for Holly and her pink suitcase to emerge. He couldn't even help her with that?

Holly doesn't appear.

“Where's Holly, Chase?” I ask him, now a few meters away.

He turns. “She's going on vacation with you, isn't she?”

“Yes. After her tender goodbye with you,” I reply.

“I haven't seen Holly this morning.”

I curl my fingers tighter into Leif's thigh and stare at Chase. “What?”

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