Page 101 of Live To Tell

He drags fingers through his hair as he looks at me. “I’m not in the mood for talking. I’m too pissed with you right now.”

But pissed isn’t the energy coming from him—or me.

With a shake of his head, Rowan drags his arm from my hold and walks away.

Chapter 34

VIOLET

Broken.

I stare at a ceramic pot and the seedling struggling through the earth, seconds away from picking up the item and throwing it to the ground besides the ones that fell. Throwing them all to the ground.

I’ve broken a promise. I’ve broken us.

I’ve broken Rowan.

Tipping back my head, I take in a lungful of the damp, earthy air and focus on staying calm. At every turn, I face assault. I’m attacked by emotions each day, fighting not against but to understand them. To allow myself to experience and work through the effect they have. Dorian insists staying dead inside helps. I can’t do that, and my inability to control the changes that I deny are happening makes everything worse.

I dig my fingers into a bag of soil, cool and dry as I squeeze, heart banging in my chest. Why can’t I understand the world better? See things as more than black or white? I didn’t deliberately ignore Rowan, but the importance skimmed over my head. And when Dorian never mentioned the Circle again, I dropped the plan.

I’ve broken something fragile, and the consequences could spread far if I don’t fix this.

Wiping the dirt onto my damp sweater, I shoot back across the lawns towards the academy, ignoring curious looks as I trail water behind me walking along the main hallways. Rowan left his own muddy footsteps and I follow them towards Pendle House. To his room.

I knock on Rowan’s door with a damp fist.

Nothing.

“Rowan,” I call, calmly.

No response.

He’s definitely in there, and Rowan will know that I’m aware. I place a hand on the wood, ready to absorb and identify any magic, bracing myself for the possibility he’s taken things further with his shadows. But there’s nothing apart from the faint barrier that repels people he doesn’t want to visit him. One that would never affect me.

“Don’t you want to hear Violet Blackwood tell you she was wrong?”

The door swings open as Rowan yanks at it. “You already did. And apologized. Such an honor.”

With a huff, I slam a palm into his chest, and he stumbles back. I turn and carefully, quietly, close the door, before looking to him again. No shadows, just a pissed looking, tired guy, his towel-dried hair wilder than usual. He’s no longer wearing his sodden jacket and replaced his T-shirt with a dry one.

“What do you want?” he asks tersely.

“To sleep in your bed.”

Rowan’s jaw slackens, and I suspect that wasn’t on his list of expected responses. “What?”

“To sleep in your bed,” I repeat.

He continues to stare. “Violet. I shouldn’t have said what I did about the night of Kai’s birthday. I realize how crap that sounded now.”

“No. I’m glad you did.” I move closer.

“Then this isn’t kissing me to stop an argument,” he says, eyes darker again. “What you’ve done… The problem isn’t only about the Circle, but how you continue to treat me like an extension of yourself.”

I walk towards Rowan who freezes as if the non-existent shadows were here and holding him.

“And in response to your question earlier, I accept your darkness, but as long as I see you using shadows, I will never share mine.”

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