Page 15 of For Dear Life

Taking the purple-wrapped bar, she sits on the edge of the bed. “Right.”

“You don’t have to eat the chocolate. It’s just a gesture, Violet.” I stand over her, not daring to sit on the bed, vaguely irritated that she doesn’t appreciate my thoughtfulness.

Well, my chocolate bar was an excuse to see her again, too, I guess.

Silently, Violet unwraps the bar and breaks a piece off, the confused look on her face not leaving as she eats. “Thank you for your gesture.”

I’m still never sure whether Violet’s thanks are because ‘it’s expected’ or if the thanks come from her. “You’re welcome.”

“Welcome where?” She snaps off another piece.

“It’s a response. Like ‘don’t worry about it’.”

“Worry? About what?” She sighs and rubs her head. “My brain isn’t working correctly, and I do not like that.”

I smirk. “When does your brain ever work correctly, Violet?”

Not replying, Violet stands again and places the half-eaten chocolate bar beside the papers on her desk. “I’m not craving blood, by the way.”

“Good to hear.”

She turns. “Do you think Dorian’s correct and that Holly might be involved?”

“I think that you should rest, Violet.” As I cross to stand by her, everything ordinary we’ve returned to evaporates, and the day’s events suddenly slam into me, shoving away chocolate bars and casual conversation.

“I honestly thought I’d lost you,” I say hoarsely, and tuck Violet’s hair behind an ear, again desperate to connect. Violet allowed me closer since the lodge, a handhold or touch here and there, but I’m not expecting more.

Violet appears non-plussed by events, surely this has affected her in some way? “How do you feel? Honestly.” My fingertips linger on her cheek, and she makes no attempt to move them, or move away.

“Dying is an odd experience. I don’t often dream, but the void in my mind seemed greater.” She blinks. “And only felt like seconds.”

“No, Violet. You joke about your death. Dismiss what happened. Even you parents made it clear this is a big deal.” I lace my fingers through hers, gauging the right moment to hug her.

“Well, yes, not an everyday occurrence.” She smiles, but I catch a dip in her energy, Violet’s heart skipping out of rhythm just once. “Don’t worry, Rowan. I’ve no plans to repeat undeath soon. And I’ll be extra careful around witches.”

“Because you’re fallible?”

She frowns. “No, because we can’t afford to lose any more witnesses or suspects. I’m perfectly aware that you’d also kill someone if you believed I’d died and they’re responsible.”

“Don’t say that,” I breathe out. “I can’t go back there in my mind.”

Violet pulls her fingers from mine and my sinking spirits rise again when she gently rests the tips on my cheek. “You’ve said yourself; my mind works differently. I’m alright.”

“I don’t believe you,” I whisper. “Even if you’re not scared of death and pain, you’re frightened because you weren’t in control as a hybrid, or this Violet.”

Violet’s breath hitches slightly, and her clear eyes grow wider. “I hate when things aren’t in my control, yes. That’s why I want to be alone. With myself. My thoughts. All your responses disturb me.”

“Why? Why aren’t you disturbed, anyway?”

“I don’t know,” she whispers. “Perhaps because the girl who died wasn’t this Violet but me in a different state.”

“The hybrid one you hide from?” She nods. Sighing, I stroke my thumb across her eyebrow. “Nobody can control everything in their lives, Violet. That’s impossible. You can hide from yourself, but not me.”

The mask-like expression she’s kept attached since she returned to me slips, and I’m again with the girl who opened up that night. Here’s the bonded witch, not the Violet Blackwood who clashed with Rowan Greenwood, or the one laser-focused on her investigations in order to keep all other thoughts at bay.

“Do you know what frightens me more than any rogue fenceposts?” she whispers. “Or that we can bring out each other’s power, create an unstoppable strength if we focused? You affect me. Mentally. I’m weaker around you.”

“Violet,” I say softly and take her face in my hands. “Why does that frighten you? Because you want to allow me into that space between you and the world? The one I’ve snuck across now?”

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