Page 88 of One Secret

Darcy gives a sad little laugh.

'That's why I'm not sure smarts and a strong constitution are enough to get everything you want in life. My mom wasn't stupid. And she overcame every obstacle in her pursuit of love: language barriers, visa applications, uprooting her entire life over and again. But it didn't matter. She was still alone in the end.'

'She passed away?'

'Two years ago. Cancer,' Darcy exhales. Short and controlled. Like she's sweeping a thought or memory to the back of her mind. 'That's when I moved to Rome for a new start of my own.'

'Why Rome?' I ask, genuinely curious.

Darcy shrugs.

'Why not?'

I know that feeling too. When your world has no roots, when your life is foundationless, everything becomes a question of "why not?"

Liberating and lonely in equal parts.

'I'm sorry,' I offer, unsure what else to say as a condolence.

Darcy takes another long breath. An inhale this time, followed by a calming sigh. It's like she's resetting her mental state.

'It doesn't matter,' she eventually concludes. 'It just proves my point. If you're so desperate to hold on to people, they eventually feel smothered and run in the opposite direction.'

'Is that why you keep your relationships short?' I ask. 'Because you're afraid you'll chase people away? Or do you do it to prove you can be alone?'

'Maybe a bit of both,' she ponders.

Suddenly amused by an idea, Darcy reaches up and turns the lamplight towards me. I have to wince in the glare.

My turn for interrogation...

'What's your excuse for sticking to casual flings?'

Casual... I almost laugh. This thing between us feels anything but casual anymore.

'Work,' I answer, falling back on an excuse that feels so old now it's practically shedding rust. 'It's hard to maintain anything meaningful when you're never around.'

My words feel shallow compared to Darcy's personal revelations. The guilt of reciprocity urges me to go on:

'Not to mention I'm not cut out for permanency.'

Darcy tilts a curious gaze at me.

'Define "permanency",' she challenges.

Anything that makes my heart hammer in panic and my sweat run cold.

'Long-term commitment, marriage, kids...' I grunt through the usual culprits.

Anything where I can let someone down.

'Ah, right,' Darcy suddenly pulls back and flops onto her back. As she slides down into a comfortable rut, her hair trails over the pillow like dark, tangled flames and I spy a tattoo just behind her ear. 'I remember, now.'

I frown, not liking her tone.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'After this morning,' she explains. The wave of her hand is dismissive but there's tension in the corners of her mouth. Whatever she's recalling bothers her. 'You acted like the sky had fallen in, with just the possibility of fatherhood.'

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