Page 79 of Impossible

The muscle starts flexing in his jaw again. He stares pointedly out the window, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “They’ve made a joke of it. They’ve politicized it. They’ve—” he searches for words and can’t find them. He bows his head, his hand running through his hair, gripping it like he might pull it out by the root. “I’m so sorry,” he finally murmurs. “This is our fault.”

“Your fault?” I crinkle my nose. “How?”

He sits back and takes a deep breath, his hand instinctively circling his bad wrist. I notice he never actually touches the stump itself.

“Hollis has dedicated his career to omega agency. Our kind’s history is… complicated. On one side, you have packs, bad packs, evil packs, wanting to treat omegas as property rather than human beings. On the other, you have those who wish so badly to protect omegas that they try to legislate away their agency, entrusting it to the Coalition instead. Neither extreme is right. Hollis is the middle ground. Which means there are people on both sides trying to knock him—us—down. Both inside the Coalition and out. God. None of this would have happened if I wasn’t the one to retrieve you on Friday.”

“If you hadn’tsavedme, I’d be stomped into little omega pieces,” I counter.

“I know,” he sighs. “I know. I’m sorry, Indie.”

“And what does you rescuing me have anything to do with my pack sheet?” I ask.

Leon chews on the inside of his cheek. “Your doctor’s appointment Monday. The hospital, Monday night. The mixer yesterday. There are eyes everywhere, little bird. People haven’t missed that we’re… friends.”

Friends.

“I didn’t know that’s what Hollis does,” I say, changing the topic, my cheeks hot. I see Hollis’s questions last night in a new light. He wasn’t evaluating my answers; he was appreciating them. He worked to make them possible.

I don’t know if I’m grateful. I never asked to be a burden, to need protection. I wish I didn’t. The rules and restrictions of this place chafe every day, but I shudder to think of a world without them.

Leon irons the pack sheet out on the desk with his good hand, anger flashing in his eyes as he reads over the names again.

“It’s fine, Leon.” Saying his name feels strangely intimate. A little too familiar. I rush on, “I’m doing a medical heat anyway. So none of these matter.”

“Indie.” His voice is pained. “I hate to say it, but it would be better to entertain some of these options than to do a medical heat. Orion—” his voice breaks off, like he can’t physically force the words out. “Orion pack is very nice. Lucas Orion is a friend of ours. They would treat you very respectfully.”

I’m already shaking my head. “No. I’m doing a medical heat.”

Leon lets out a low groan. “I swear you’re trying to kill me, blue jay.”

“What’s the issue?” I ask stubbornly. “I’ll do a medical heat, the Complex and Coalition will let us be friends, it’s win-win as far asyou’reconcerned.”

Leon’s eyes lock on mine. Shame washes through me.

He cares. More than a teacher. More than a friend. Hecares. Something swirls deep in my belly. Right in the spot that lit to an inferno when I watched the videos this morning.

I can’t face that. I can’t be his friend, not if he sees me like that omega in that first video. I just don’tgethow the two can co-exist. The respect and the lust. The control and the weakness. The friendship and the sex.

I should be glad Midas isn’t on that pack sheet.

But I’m not. Because this isn’t what I want friendship to be. De-scenter and a constant heaviness in the air. Half in the moment, half stuck in my mind imagining the things my body wants to do with them. How could they ever be my friend if they knew what I imagined? How could I ever feel whole if they reduced me to something so… primitive?

I’m torturing myself, trying to straddle this line. If I were smart, I’d give up on Midas altogether. I’ve known them for what, not even a week? I can go it alone. Get my bearings and figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do with my life now that this is my reality. I’d be free from the wet, squirmy feelings that claw at my insides every time they’re near.

But I won’t.

I would rather die than spend a heat with any pack that isn’t Midas. I would rather die than have Midas Pack see me in my heat. Exposed. Disgusting.

“Leon…” my voice is weak. I want to take back what I said. I don’t know how. Not without admitting every overwhelming, confusing thing he makes me feel. The few sips of soup I’ve managed turn to acid in my stomach. “I just… want to be able to spend time with whoIchoose. Not the Coalition.”

I’m flirting with disaster and we both know it.

“We could be arrested if we take advantage of you, Indie,” Leon reads my mind.

“So maybe don’t take advantage of me?” I snap, unable to help myself. My insides have turned to liquid lava, rolling down my skeleton and melting me from within.

“I’m just saying. We would never touch you without your explicit, documented consent.”

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