Page 38 of Impossible

Then she’s going off about good hang-out spots and where everybody goes to smoke or drink or hide from adult supervision for a little private time. I don’t know the campus well enough to really follow, so I stay quiet and eat, glad that her attention is so wrapped up in what she’s saying that she isn’t really watching me. When I hear the word ‘Adams’, I tune back in.

“Wait, wait, what was that?” I interrupt whatever she’s saying.

“Oh, I was just saying that the student store up there is way better, if you need snacks or school supplies or anything.”

“You can go up to Adams?” I ask, excitement beginning to glow in my stomach.

“Yeah, you just have to be careful. The best time to go is now, actually. The guard shifts always waste time talking when they trade watches, so there’s like a solid fifteen minutes you can go across the athletics field and climb the hill without being noticed. Otherwise you have to go the long way around in the woods.”

I’m already standing, not thinking of anything but the possibility of seeing Rose and Cam.

“Um, Indie, what are you doing?” Cecilia asks.

“I have to go see my friends,” I rush.

Cecilia bites her lip. Not even two minutes ago she was telling me how to get away with sneaking around, and now she looks torn. I’m willing to bet that for all her knowledge of the hide-outs and methods of sneaking alphas into the omega dorms, she’s never once attempted to actually break a rule. She seems like a real straight shooter. Her internal battle is broadcast in technicolor.

“Um, can you eat the rest of your food, at least?” she finally says.

I’ve nearly finished the fruit salad, and I have half the sandwich left.

I sit abruptly and smush the sandwich into my face. She has a point—I won’t get far if I pass out halfway there.

“So, have you snuck around with any alphas?” I ask to get her talking while I chew.

“What? Me? No!”

I bite back a laugh as she flushes bright red. “What, you don’t go tiptoeing into the alpha dorms at night for some cutie?”

“The alphas don’t have dorms like us,” she scoffs. “They havebarracks.”

“Wait, what?” I’m scarfing down my berries, eager to get up to Adams.

“Yeah. They have to form pack bonds, and the easiest way to do that is to be around each other like… all the time.”

“That sounds wretched,” I say as I finish my fruit. I’m already standing, leaving Cecilia with her practically untouched food—she spent so much time talking she hardly ate at all. “And now I guess you get to eat indoors?” I say, feeling a little bad for ditching her. Not bad enough to stop though.

Cecilia gets to her feet gingerly. I feel alive, my blood buzzing with the calories I just ate.Thisis why starving is worth it. Because it makes eating feel so damn good.

“I guess,” she says, hurt all over her face.

“Look, we’ll eat again together, right? If you’re my eating disorder buddy or whatever?”

“Yeah,” she says, glum.

“Awesome. Then I’ll see you tomorrow morning. And I’ll show you pictures of Cam, and you’ll understandwhyI’m so eager to go see him.”

Her nose crunches up. “Abeta?”she asks.

“Not just any beta. You’ll see. I don’t want to miss shift change. Bye!” I’m already walking away, leaving her in the little pool of orange light, tray of food at her feet.

Cam and Rose. A semblance of normalcy. Maybe Rose’s dad can make some calls and I can move back up to Adams. I’ve only missed two rehearsals—they probably haven’t found a replacement stage manager yet.

I’ve read the omega book, I’ve felt my hormones rage, I know nothing can be undone, but hope blooms in my heart anyway. All of this can be fixed. Somehow. Maybe.

The energy from my first meal in two days lasts until I’m about twenty feet up the hill to Adams. Leon ran up this hill like it was no big deal, but even walking slowly I’m gasping for breath. I have to stop several times, sitting and putting my head between my knees to hold the dizziness at bay.

Sometimes I forget how weak I am. It hits me abruptly how abnormal it is to not be able to even walk up a hill without needing to stop and rest. I’m getting so used to the cold feeling pressing in my head that I forget it isn’t supposed to happen every time I stand or exert myself. My thoughts race, my brain burning through the sugar I gave it.

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