Page 77 of Some Like It Fox

She blows out a breath. “Aria wanted to come stay with me that weekend. We had talked about it a few times before, her coming to visit for a night or two so she could check out the campus and hang in the dorms. And I kept blowing her off. I was too busy enjoying college life. And then she died.” She blinks rapidly, holding back tears. “It was easier to be angry at you than to acknowledge my own culpability.”

My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth, shock stealing my voice.

“Then when you opened up about what happened, I was... resentful that you would share it with me. You had reached a point where you were ready to open up. But I hadn’t. I didn’t have the guts to face my own shame. Every time I looked at you after that, all I could see was my own guilt, my own fear, my own cowardice staring me in the face.” Her eyes fall shut, tears tracking down her cheeks.

I can’t stand it any longer. I lean forward and wrap my arms around her shaking shoulders. I felt the same way when she apologized to me last year. I couldn’t even handle being home, because it reminded me that while she was able to move forward, forgive me, forgive herself and then push through the grief, I wasn’t.

But maybe I’m getting there.

“I’m sorry,” she says, between tears.

“I know.”

She pulls back to wipe her eyes. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Hell, yeah you will. You can start by helping me tell the rest of our family about Mom.”

She chuckles. “Of course.”

Relief crashes over me. “Thank you. Also, I might need your help getting Piper to visit while you’re still here.”

She nods without hesitation. “Of course. I’m on it.”

I purse my lips. “And maybe you could clean the bathroom Jake and I have been sharing.”

She rolls her eyes, pushing me on the shoulder. “Now you’re just being greedy.”

We laugh and memories flood through me, all the moments we shared before Aria died and things went south. Mindy was always the first one I called when I needed anything, before Finley, even. She was the person I turned to for everything. She was the first person I talked to about my guilt over Aria’s death. She wasmyperson, which is why her anger stung so deeply, and why her sudden apology was like a Band-Aid over a knife wound.

She leans toward me. “Can I ask why?”

I blink. “Why what?”

“Why did you search for her?”

I take another leap of faith and decide to face the truth about myself I’ve been avoiding. “I wanted to know why she left, because I wanted to know if I was like her.”

Mindy rocks back slightly. “What do you mean, like her?”

“She left. I leave.” I wave a hand in the air. “It’s like what I do. I’m flakey and unreliable, you’ve said it yourself a thousand times.”

She winces. “I was wrong. I was lashing out at you because of my own issues.” She leans toward me, her eyes serious. “Taylor, you aren’t her.”

I swallow and avert my gaze to the corner of the bed. “How do you know?”

“Because you come back. You always come back. Sure, you might need to get out there for a bit, but you would never disappear entirely. You would never ghost your family. You aren’t that person.”

She’s right.

I might leave, but I don’t stay away. I’m running from myself, not the people who love me. I couldn’t. I care about my family too much.

Maybe I’ve been asking the wrong questions. Maybe it’s not about why Mom left, but about why I always need to leave. Why can’t I just stay still? What am I running from, really?

She shifts on the edge of the bed, leaning closer. “You were pissed at me, and you still helped me with Luke. When Jake is going through a hard time, you drop everything and come home. You’re trusting me now, giving me the gift of forgiveness, even though it’s the last thing I deserve.”

My lips tremble with a smile. “I’ve also given you the gift of many hostile family dinners.”

She huffs out a laugh. “I think we’re both guilty there. But seriously, Taylor, the fact you’re even worried about being like Mom sets you light-years apart from her.”

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