Page 119 of Prove You Wrong

Now my brain’s ramping into overdrive as it scrambles to bring my plan together, having to sort things out with Ella sooner. To work out the perfect words. I hadn’t quite nailed it down. Actually, I had no real clue. And now she’s here and this might be my only chance.

I lead her outside, heart pounding, hoping this visit will bring good news rather than a restraining order.

Side by side, we walk through the clearing, our feet crunching on the dirt, the high ropes course strung above us.

A yellow arrow shape, nailed to a stake, marks the start of one of the trails. We follow this path as it wends its way through trees. She’s silent and I follow her lead, wanting to give her the space to say what she needs to, and I’m still not sure what to say, anyway.

Soon, we’re swallowed by the forest. Ahead of us is the Christmas tree scene we’d viewed from up high a few weeks ago. The large fir decorated with cheery bright reds and golds looks incongruous out in the natural woodland, and in such a tense atmosphere.

We come to a stop in front of it and I can’t bear it anymore. If she’s here to tell me to stop calling her, to leave her alone forever, I need to hear it sooner rather than later.

‘How’s your — ’ I start to ask but she speaks at the same time.

‘I’m sorry, I should have called.’

There are dark circles under her wide eyes. She looks wrung out. My beautiful Ella needs to give herself a break.

‘You don’t need to call in advance. It’s good to see you — ’ I start, but before I can calm her, reassure her, or get my words together in any coherent way, she’s speaking again, tripping over her own words.

‘If I don’t tell you this, I might burst. I’m so sorry.’ Her eyes plead. ‘I messed up. Ihurt you. On purpose. I wanted you to hate me.’ The words are spilling out of her. ‘Fuck, I was so nasty and I didn't mean a word of it. It was the only way I could think of to get you to listen. Understand.' My heart breaks at the pain I know she’s in. 'But I realise now how wrong I was. I should never have pushed you away. I should have seen how strong we could be when we pulled together.’ She barely breaks for breath before her tirade continues. ‘I've never regretted anything more in my life. I need you to know I’m so sorry. Idotrust you. And I really hope you’ll give me a chance to prove it to you.’ Her chest heaves when she finally pauses. Panting. She moves towards me as she says, ‘I got you a present.’

I want to hug her, kiss her, but she’s thrusting a parcel at me, catching me by surprise.

My overwhelmed brain is in go-slow mode and it’s hard to think straight. Shit, I can’t let it fail me now.

I force my face into a smile, trying to reassure her, hoping it’s not a grimace.

I don’t want to fuck this up and the fear is paralysing.

‘Open it.’ She’s biting that lip again and I just want to pick her up but now I’m holding this hefty bundle and she’s looking at me expectantly.

I shake my head. ‘You didn’t have to do this.’ Feeling awkward, I rip into the paper and it peels back to reveal soft, black leather.

My chest constricts at the unexpected reminder of my recent loss. It doesn’t matter, I tell myself. It was worth it.

People are more important than things.

‘What is this?’ I shift my gaze from the gift back to Ella’s gorgeous face, her brow furrowed with apprehension.

Her shoulders drop. ‘It’s the worst kind of present. Oh, shit, sorry, I’ve probably got this all wrong.’ She’s wringing her hands together. ‘It’s not even for you. It’s for me. To wear with you.’

Shaking it out of the paper, I open it to discover a women’s leather jacket. I feel sick as my heart plummets.

‘I thought you could take me out on your bike.’ A pained look crosses her face. ‘You don’t like it.’ It’s not a question, she’s reading my reaction and despite Herculean effort, I can’t give her a reassuring smile.

‘It’s really great Ella. I think you’ll look amazing in this.’

‘Why do I feel there’s a but?’ Tears well in her eyes. ‘It’s too little, too late, isn’t it?’

‘It’s not too little, but it is a bit late.’ I force my lips to curl up as I keep my voice light. ‘I got rid of my bike this morning.’

‘No!’ Her hand flies to her mouth. ‘Why?’

I pull in a breath and ease it out slowly, my smile tinged with sadness. ‘I wanted to show you that you mean more to me than anything. I want you to feel safe with me. It’s the best way I could think of to show you I prioritise you. I’m not going anywhere.’

Ella lets out a choked sob and I grab her, pulling her to me, my arms full of coat and wrapping paper and wonderful Ella.

‘You didn’t have to do that. This is all my fault.’ Her voice is muffled against my chest and I kiss her soft hair.

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