Page 45 of Alive and Wells

“No lecture. I changed them for you already.” I assumed she noticed but forgot to say anything. The days since have been a bit of a whirlwind, after all. Talking about her car tires hasn’t been a priority for either of us.

“Wait,what? You didn’t need to. You shouldn’t have done that. I wish you wouldn’t have. I have the money. For real this time. I’ll pay you back for it.” Her words are rushed and stilted. Panicky.

“You needed the tires, and I know a guy who gives us a good price. Threw ’em on the other day. It’s not a big deal.”

“I don’t expect you to understand, but don’t buy me shit anymore. It is a big deal. I’m paying you back for the tires.”

Tonight somehow keeps getting worse and worse. By the time we reach my house, she’s painfully silent, and I’m tempted to make up an excuse to walk away. She can stay here, and I’ll keep watch from a distance. I could always get Red to stay with her instead.

No, that’s asking for it.

I trust Red with a lot of things, but a woman I’m interested in isn’t one of them.

“Help me understand why you’re mad, because I thought I was doing a nice thing here.” I tug my boots off and crack a cold beer. “God forbid I help you out so, when you want to leave, you can go safely.”

“I don’t owe you an explanation.”

“You don’t. But it would be nice to understand why I’m suddenly in shit for doing something most people would think is a kind gesture.” The couch relieves my sore muscles, but it does nothing for the painful cramping everywhere else. This is why I’m better off alone.

We may as well be right back to how we interacted weeks ago. The lake has never felt further away.

“Fine. I don’t do well with gifts, okay? They feel like a trap or something.”

“A trap? Putting tires on your car, so you canleavewhen you want to, feels like a trap?”

“It’s not about the tires. It’s…” She tucks her feet under her and takes a deep breath. “KJ comes from money, and spending it is how he wins people over. He would buy me expensive gifts, but he always found a way to throw them back in my face. I already feel like I owe you so much because, like, Beryl offered me this job and a place to stay. That was hard enough to finally say yes to because I didn’t want to be a burden. I’ve busted my ass here to not feel that way—to prove I’m useful. Now there’s all this shit with KJ, so you’re letting me sleep here, staying up all night to make me feel safer, changing your work around to accommodate me. It’s a lot, and the tires are just… it’s a nice gesture.It is.I know I sound absolutely insane complaining about it because, let’s be real, who knows when I was going to get around to changing them. And you’re just…you. So you figured that out and did it for me. Which is nice—so much nicer than I’m used to. But I don’t want to give you a reason to resent me or make me feel like shit later. I don’t want to owe you yet another thing if I don’t end up staying here.”

“He was trying to manipulate you. It was the only way he’d get somebody as incredible as you to stay with a piece of shit like him. I put tires on your car because the last thing I want is for you to feel like you have no choice but to stay. If I give you a gift, it’s because I want to see you happy. No ulterior motive.”

“For now.”

I’d rather be slapped across the face.

“For always, Cecily. A gift is just a fucking gift for me. I’m not plotting out how I can use it against you down the road. I could’ve bought you a whole new car and, if you left tomorrow, I wouldn’t give a shit.” The empty beer can tings against the wood of the coffee table.

She’s silent, but I understand the look on her face well. Probably because I’ve seen the same expression in the mirror. Shut down, ready to give up on the conversation… and probably give up on me altogether. Walking away now from whatever’s going on between us would be easier in the long run, but I really,reallycan’t stand the thought.

“I don’t mean—well, I’d give a shityouwere leaving. Not the car. I’m not rich, but money doesn’t mean fuck all to me beyond ensuring the ranch stays afloat, and everybody here’s taken care of. And that includes you.”

“You don’t have to take care of me. I threw you into this situation with KJ threatening me, but I don’t need you to take care of me beyond that. I’m perfectly capable.”

“I get that. Clearly, you’ve made it through a hell of a lot without my help. But I want to be here for you because…” My words trail off, even though the ending of my sentence is playing on repeat in my mind.

“Because it’s what friends do. I know that but—”

I interrupt, “No. Because I care about you. I like you a hell of a lot. I don’t know about you and your friends, but I don’t kiss my friends the way I kissed you today.”

The way my body reacted to her kiss terrified me.Nothing about that was friendly. It wasn’t even casual summer fling kissing. I needed her. I craved her. I want her lips to never touch anybody else’s for the rest of her life, and I don’t want to go a single day without tasting her. The day she showed up on the ranch turned my life upside down, and kissing her seemed to flip everything once again.

“But youdokiss your friends, then?” Her tongue darts out to lick her bottom lip as a mischievous smile crops up.

“Good Lord, woman.” I shake my head and wait until her eyes meet mine again before continuing. “If you don’t want me to buy you things, fine. You aren’t paying me back for the tires, though, because you run errands for the ranch in your car, so they’re a business expense. If anything, you should be mad at your employer for not paying mileage—tires are a lot less expensive than fifty-cents per kilometre for weekly trips to town.”

“Now you mention it,” she says.

“Don’t go getting any ideas. I can teach you how to drive the ranch trucks to save me some money.”

“Maybe you should help me get some practice, anyway. I mean, once the snow falls, I don’t think my car will do a good job making it to town and back.”

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