Page 74 of Oracle of Ruin

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I dozeoff not long after. I awake a few times during the day to hushed voices and golden light streaming through the window. Someone moves me to my bed at some point, but I continue to doze through the entirety of daylight, only awaking to the sound of an owl outside my window.

Rowan sits at the foot of the bed, his elbows braced on his powerful thighs. His head hangs low like a man in prayer, though I know him better. I’m drawn to him as if on instinct, crawling forward and looping my arms around his shoulders.

“You’re awake.” Not a hint of tone laces his voice. Just pure exhaustion.

I push a kiss into his shoulder before resting my chin between the juncture of his jaw and clavicle. “I am,” I whisper, not even sure what to say. My voice is gravelly with disuse, my mouth dry and tongue heavy. I can feel his chin bob as he nods.

“You and Derrín were supposed to leave tomorrow at first light. To find the Oracle.”

Shit. I nearly forgot, too consumed by the thought of avenging those girls through Lars’s death, girls whose faces and names I never even knew. I packed my bags days ago and they rest in the corner of the room, leaning against the doorframe.

“We will still go. Clearly, I am well rested.”

My joke falls on deaf ears as Rowan shudders. “You used dark magic.”

“I did.”

I can feel each breath he takes as he forces them to be even, feel his shoulders stiffen beneath my touch. He leans forward and rises, forcing me with him. Though there might only be a few inches between us, the distance in the air presses heavy against me. My feet stay rooted to the floor, the rest of my body threatening to follow suit.

“Even after… after all it’s… Dammit. This is harder than I thought.”

His distress presses steel into my heart and I step forward, wrapping my arms around his center again. My head rests against his chest, listening for that heartbeat. It seems to drag beneath my touch.

“You deserved better, so I became better. Foryou.” He runs his hand through his hair as he looks at me. Tired, he looks so tired.

Gripping tight to his sleeve, I plead with him. “I know.”

“And what of whatIdeserve?” He moves out of my grasp, and my heart begins to race. Control is slipping out from between my fingers faster than I can grapple for the pieces.

“What?”

“I deserve better than this, Vera. I don’t deserve for you to play with my heart. You know what dark magic did to my family,to me. And yet you still…” His jaw clenches. “I can’t keep doing this, whatever this is.”

My heart lurches into my throat. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that if this is how things are going to be, then I’m done.Weare done.”

The pain of the statement forces me to double over myself. My fingertips press into my chest as if I can force the broken fragments together. I’ve considered many things since I’ve returned, and a life without Rowan is not something I thought to picture. Rage creeps into the crevices of my soul, rebuilding a wall from the rubble of the one I tore down.

I laugh drily. “You will see me as your equal or you won’t see me at all.”

“I do, Laei… Why do you think I’m telling you all this?” Rowan runs his hand through his hair, taking a step back. Widening the berth between us. Something in that one simple step lights a fire in my chest.

“Oh, so whenyouact like this, it’s fine, but whenIdo, suddenly, I’m a monster?”

“You’ve changed,” he murmurs warily.

“So what if I have? Things are different now, Rowan. I’ve seen people die. People I love die!”

“So have the rest of us, Vera. We aren’t here for fun. We are all trying to protect the people we love. That’s why I—” He pauses, his gaze downcast and breathing labored.

“That’s why youwhat?” I spit back, too pissed off to care for the pain in his voice.

“That’s why I’m trying to stop you.”

My heart stills in my chest, the sound of blood rushing filling my ears as I weigh his words.Because when I cut you, he bleeds.That’s what Mavis said.

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