Page 30 of Oracle of Ruin

My own legspress together as my body’s reactions mimic her own. My eyes pinch shut for a moment as I try to steady my uneven breathing. I’ve felt like this before, generally while with Blaine or other passing flames, but never this intense, and sure as hell never from a book.

I turn the page, my fingers tracing the filthy words as I read. “Gods, not the bookshelves!” I gasp as I flip the page. The books surrounding me stand colorful in my peripheral, or it might be the blush that coats my face.

I hadn’t known there to be so many words to describe thelengthof a man, nor for them to be so… creative. At some points, I have to bite back a laugh at the colorful descriptions. The character in the book is all but laughing as he rams into her repeatedly, his name drawn out from her lips as a cry.

I squeeze my eyes shut. In the book, they haven’t been together that long, maybe a few chapters at most. How long would that be in real life? A few days? The characters seem so familiar, so willing and in love or lust that it doesn’t matter the time. Is that how it should be?

Rowan and I have gone further in the past few months, though mainly we just kiss… fully clothed. There have been times his lips have trailed lower, though never beyond my navel. And he has seen me naked, of course, only when I vomit all over myself after a nightmare. Is that why we haven’t gone further? I know Rowan told me he would wait for me, and he does every day, but some dark corner of my brain begs to know if it is truly because he doesn’t think I’m ready, or if he thinks what my body has become is simply too repulsive.

Still, I allow myself to fantasize. What if we were back in the palace, sequestered in our usual corner of the library? What if he closed whatever book he had in his hand that day and crossed the distance between us? He’d lead me back into the darker corner, his breath a worshipping prayer across my neck before those lips trailed lower and—

“That’s a good one.”

My eyes shoot open at Neris’s low chuckle that rumbles through the room. The book falls from my lap, my motions and reflexes sluggish. I scramble to recover the damning text only to fall from the plush chair, my legs long since having fallen asleep from hours of disuse.

Neris deftly picks the book up and dangles it by its spine before my face. “You know, if you are truly this… frustrated, plenty of the women here would be willing to take you, if you swing that way, that is. I doubt Mavis would allow any of the men to touch you, nor is your lover boy showing up any time soon.”

I ignore the sting of her last few words and shake my head. Neris pokes my shoulder and smirks teasingly before helping me to my still-shaky legs. I fight the urge to fan my face and mentally pray to Deungrid to just end me now. Heat floods my cheeks and I refuse to meet her gaze. How long had she been standing there?

“Well, this is dreadfully embarrassing,” I finally admit, tucking my chin to my shoulder in an attempt to hide my flushed face.

Neris only sets the books down and takes a seat on another one of the plush chairs and props her feet up on an ottoman. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. We are all adults, and besides, I already told you it was a good book, implying I also have read it. There, we both have sinned. That cancels all the embarrassment out,” the woman says kindly in a tone much like one Torin would use. “I was going to ask why Emi wouldn’t take you here, but your taste seems to be a bit old for the kid.”

And I am blushing again. “I’ll have you know this is my first time.”

“Ooh, talk dirty to me.”

Despite my blush and previous embarrassment, a loud laugh slips out from between my lips. It grows as the deliriousness seeps into my bones and mind. Gods, I truly am awful, and I honestly don’t feel all that bad about it.

Neris chuckles behind her hand. She looks so small without her armor, sitting in the large chair. Or at least until she rolls up the sleeve of her tunic to reveal powerful forearms taut with corded muscle. Scars lace across her limbs, proof of years of struggle and turf wars.

Desperate for a change of subject, I lean back to stretch my spine. “So,” I hum with a small groan. “Is there a reason you’ve interrupted my reading or is this just a pleasant visit?”

Mavis’s general snorts. “Look up, princess.”

My eyes trail to where her finger points at the glass ceiling, only to see the end of dawn’s reign across the sky.

I gasp and whirl to face her. “I stayed up all night?”

“And scared the shit out of everyone,” Neris adds.

I hadn’t meant to stay up all night. I just needed a moment to unwind, and maybe do something that took me away from this gods-awful situation. Now that she mentions the passing time, my bones begin to ache for sleep and my eyelids droop right as my stomach decides to rumble.

Neris scoops my stack of books into one of her arms, then extends the other to me. “Breakfast is ready in the mess hall. You can take a nap afterwards. We can stop and leave these,” she lifts the arm holding my books, “in your room. You might need these later.”

Chapter15

Verosa

Neris piles a few other books into her arms before we leave the library, then shows me the way to the stairs. In case I want to come back without having to scale a wall, she jokes. Once we stop to dump the books on my bed and to allow me to change into new clothes, we begin our short trek to the mess hall. Mavis insists we all eat together now that she can trust me not to try and use magic on her soldiers. Not only is trust a factor, but I suppose the further knowledge she has on my magic now helps. Emi confided that there was a fear I could seduce her male soldiers into fighting for me using magic. I reminded her if I could do that, then Mavis’s men wouldn’t have been able to drag me here in the first place.

A few of the other occupants of the compound nod as we pass by, almost everyone bowing to the general, but some now acknowledge my existence as well. It would appear that they no longer fear me like they used to. Though I know the gesture is a far cry from acceptance, I still choose to dip my head in respect as we pass.

The action sparks a flicker of surprise on Neris’s features, but she quickly schools them into a more amicable smile and we continue on with our pleasantries.

The mess hall is bustling with life and laughter by the time we enter, no signs of the turmoil Neris swears I caused by disappearing. I suppose word only got out to Mavis’s best to track me down—her best being the general by my side, of course. The woman extends a tanned hand towards where I am to sit, even going as far as pulling the chair out for me. Emi sits to my left, Neris to my right. A few other faces I don’t recognize sit across from me, the head of the table still remaining vacant. Mavis has yet to show.

A kind and round-faced woman sets a plate before me, offering the smallest of smiles as she departs. The dish is piled high with eggs, some thick piece of meat, and some fruit that I know wasn’t naturally grown in this frigid winter. I stab the meat with the fork provided once I see everyone has dug in and is not waiting for their leader to arrive. It is too large to bite from, so I attempt to slice it with the fork, only to fail miserably.

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