Page 78 of Oracle of Ruin

“If you have a cheesy line after that sentence, I’m walking out the door right now.”

He laughs, a warm and lovely sound. “No cheesy lines. Just a promise.”

“Ah, and there it is!”

The warmth in my chest is tight, like if I breathe too deep it might pop. I cannot tell if it is sorrow or happiness, or maybe a bittersweet mixture of both.

My eyes flit to Kya. “I have an apology to make.”

Torin’s gaze trails mine to where the assassin leans against a wall, pretending to not be looking on.

The scent of cinnamon lingers on Kya’s skin as I approach her, even months later without access to the perfume she used to wear daily or any of the rich spice. I swear it must have seeped into her skin or very being at this point. The ghost of the scent covers my senses like a blanket and I sigh deeply through my nose.

“I assume I am the first on your list of apologies today,” she offers with a bit of bite behind her words.

I shuffle my weight to my other foot and inhale again. “I suppose I deserve that.”

“What is this really about, Vera?” Her amber gaze pierces through my foggy thoughts, hot with anger and betrayal. “You don’t need to redeem yourself.”

I bite my lip to keep from growling out, and instead, grip her elbow, lifting her painted arm. I place my fingers strategically, careful not to smudge the hard-to-come-by paint. “The same reason you wear this paint every day. And maybe so I can hate myself a little less by trying to fix things instead of making them worse. So please, I’m sorry.” Then, when she doesn’t answer, “I won’t use dark magic again. We will find another way. I won’t lose you over this.”

“And if the Oracle says it is the answer?”

“We will find another way,” I repeat, lying through my teeth.

Kya stares on as if she can sense this. She, of all people, should understand my desperation, my purpose. My revenge may be dirtier than hers, but I’ve still probably killed less men than her.

She sighs, relenting, and wraps her arms around my neck. “Take care of Derrín for me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I offer a mocking salute.

She wipes at her eyes before joining the others in the kitchen and I head towards Derrín.

Dawn is slowly ending and the sun’s rays begin to warm the earth. The snow outside glistens against the light—beautiful, deadly.

I pause just outside the door. Still no Rowan.

A dark shadow casts over the rotting floorboards beneath my feet. I look up to meet Blaine’s iron stare, his face softening considerably when he sees the worry on mine. My heart aches within my chest. I don’t deserve him, I never have. I open my mouth, but he silences me with a raised hand that falls on my arm.

“Don’t apologize.”

“I owe you one though,” I argue.

He smirks a bit, clearly in agreement. Still, he doesn’t demand anything, just shakes his head with a faraway look in his eye. “We’ve owed each other a lot of things in our lives, Vera. We can call it even.”

“I wish I could love you again.”

A small, sad smile. “I know. Just tell me, was there ever another chance, even the slightest?”

His eyes are hopeful even though we both know my answer. Even after last night, something about his anger has softened his heart. My thoughts flit back to what Kya said about Amír. She is angry because she is kind. Something tugging at my heart tells me Blaine is the same. He throws up the soldier’s front because he has seen death too often for it not to remember him. He hardens his heart, waiting for the day it comes for him so that it will not hurt the rest of us. But he is still in there, my Blaine who loved poetry and whose laugh warmed the world.

My fingers trace the side of his face that the shade touches. “Somewhere along the way, the piece of me that fit with you broke.” I inhale sharply as tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “And I don’t think we can ever fix that.”

His fingers reach up and wrap around mine, holding my hand in place for just a moment before he lowers it, our fingers still intwined. He kisses the top of my head, a silent tear escaping the corner of his eye. It slips into the folds of his smile as he walks past me back into the inn, our shoulders brushing and my hand cold.

I hold it to my chest, sorrow swelling in my heart and threatening to pull me under. Blaine and I finally have found our ending and I’ve made my goodbyes. All this stalling for nothing when the face I wanted to see most is nowhere to be found. It was foolish and I should know better.

Finally, I move to take a step forward when familiar arms wrap around my midsection.

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