Page 64 of Oracle of Ruin

“How would you know all of that?”

When Seb stumbles over his answer, blushing like he would in the palace, Torin steps in. “He’s been working as a double agent in the palace.” He speaks lowly, keeping his voice out of earshot of Roiden and everyone else. “He feeds information straight to me and I steer the rebels into making the right choices to see the means to our ends.”

“What?” I whirl towards the redhead, my voice a hissing whisper. “Seb, that’s incredibly dangerous.”

“No more dangerous than what you’ve been doing,” he retorts.

“Still—”

“Mei— Verosa,” he corrects himself, “I took an oath. Those are my brothers in those walls, and my queen is out here fighting on the front lines. If I can save a few more lives, then it is worth the risk.”

Of all the thoughts running through my mind, the most prevalent one is that Ms. Eida was wrong in her initial assumptions of the young knight that one sunny day when he escorted me back to my studies. She deemed him no one of importance, not even notable enough to know his name. Now, he may be the bravest, most important boy I know.

I throw my arms around him for the second time today, ignoring the jealous glare Rowan shoots our way. I inhale sharply, my shoulders falling heavily. “Don’t get yourself killed for honor,” I whisper fervently. “You’re no less important than the rest of us.”

Silence, then a strangled sob from behind me. I turn to find Ruby, her hood down and face pressed into her hands as she weeps. Behind her, the rebels have all cleared out, Amír emptying the room with nothing but a holstered pistol and the cold glare on her face.

The woman sinks to her knees, now clutching at a chain that hangs around her neck. Her fingers part to reveal an engagement ring. My heart catches in my throat when I glimpse that sapphire embedded within the gold. Soon, I am on my knees with her, reaching for her hands as I finally allow tears to slip down my cheeks. Blaine’s breathing hitches and Torin turns his face towards the shadows.

“I want to hate you.” Ruby chokes on the words, her sentiments strangled by grief. “But how can I hate someone that she loved enough to die for? How can I hate you knowing that she loved you enough that it would be easier to die than to live without you? I can’t.I can’t.” Her face crumples as she folds in on herself, her sobs now borderline screams as she pulls her face to her knees.

I cannot say for sure what possesses me to do this, nor why Ruby doesn’t stab me. I lean forward on my knees, wrapping my arms around her shaking form, holding her tightly as grief wracks her body and shatters her voice.

“I’m sorry. Gods, I’m sorry. It should have been me. I wish it were me, every day. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to bring her back. I wishItook that knife. I wish…”

Ruby looks up, her chin propped up on my bosom. Tears stain her pretty face, a mosaic of sorrow plainly written. She clasps my wrist with both hands as I go to brush those silver tears away. “Tell me how they did it. Tell me how it happened.”

“Ruby…”

“I need to know.”

Darkness crawls into the corner of my vision. To her and to everyone else, I have come off as wanting to spare her from the horror of her fiancée’s murder, but in truth, I selfishly want to sparemyself. I haven’t spoken about what happened, haven’t dared to dwell on it too long in the waking world. Dreams are terrible enough reminders as it is.

But her face is so shattered, her eyes so pleading, that I squeeze my own shut and part my lips. I start from the beginning, from waking up drugged and alone in a cell, the ropes purposely biting into my skin. I tell them of Ophelus and my disgraced fiancé stepping from the shadows, how Lucius initially tried to bargain before giving in. I tell them how I thought I would die hated and alone, about the undead guards, and then how, at the last moment, a force pushed me from the altar. It was pure light and power that cut through the darkness, like nothing I’d ever known. How it felt to see the knife in her chest, her death rattle and final plea. I debate lying and telling Ruby that Tanja said she loved her before she died, but I cannot bring myself to desecrate her memory with anything but the truth. I choke when I tell them how they slit her throat. I pinch my forearms, trying to block out the thoughts of how horrible a death it was, how painful and terrifying. She died full of love, but she died alone while I ran.

I gasp at the end of the story, pinching hard enough to draw blood. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t.

“Ver.”

I blink at the softness of Blaine’s voice as he kneels beside me, then shatter completely when he wraps his arms around my waist and lets me sob into his shoulder. I open my arms and Ruby crawls in, and Torin comes behind us all, holding the four of us together. The last survivors, her family, proof of the light she brought to this shadowy world.

For the first time since her death, I can feel a crack in the wall of despair that has encased my heart. The pain is still raw and fleshy like a new wound, but it’s bleeding. It’s bleeding out resolution and clarity.

The naïve remnants of who I was a year ago flow away completely as I allow myself to cry out into this entanglement of limbs and tears. Tanja didn’t die so I could waste away like this. She didn’t give her life for mine so I could disgrace her memory like this.

She gave her life because she loved me, and she believed in me. Tanja always saw the best in me, even as I continuously proved to her that I was nothing more than a selfish monster.

My heart hardens to the light as the lingering darkness in my veins begins to burn. We cannot afford to wait for some magical solution of blessed weapons or fairytale promises.

Duke Gadsden spoke of an Oracle of Raonkin, something that could provide all the answers to my questions. Something that could save lives and end the war. Something only the darkness can find. My eyes narrow even as silver tears stream down my face. If Tanja was able to forgive me for the monster I was, then she will forgive me for the monster I am about to become.

Blaine stares at my face a moment longer, the fine contours of his own forming a hard line. Those gray eyes seem to stare through my skin to my soul and slowly blackening heart. He says nothing, per usual, but in the way his mouth tightens, I know he can see where my mind has gone.

Ruby breathes through a shuddering sob before grabbing my hand. She does this quickly, as if convincing herself to go through with this impulse before she can think otherwise. I feel a cool stone and metal band pressing into my skin.

“Ruby, no.”

“Keep her memory alive,” Ruby pleads, pushing the wedding ring further in my hand. “Keep her with you and keep her alive for me. Carry her to through this war and let her sit with you on the throne in your new kingdom.”

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