Page 80 of The King's Queen

“He didn’t say anything to you?”

“No, he didn’t say anything. By the Laei, he wouldn’t even let me into the room. I always knew he must hate me, but this… Did he tell you he was going to leave?”

Tanja swallows thickly. “And Torin… Ver, we thought you knew.”

Those three nights out alone, searching for him in the dark. Trying to bring him home. Everyone knew he was leaving. They got to say their goodbyes and make peace. Everyone except for me, the one person who needed that closure most.

The water droplets trickle down my forearm as I brace my hands on either side of the tub. My back pops as I turn to face her, an unsettling sound that has Tanja’s face blanching.

“And you just didn’t care? He’s gone, and you let him?”

The woman’s face molds into an expression of confusion and mingling irritation.

“Let him? We didn’t think you’d care that much.”

“And why wouldn’t I care?”

“Well, apart from the obvious fact that Rowan is courting you, because you’re doing the same thing soon.”

My knuckles turn white as I grip the lip of the basin. The water has since grown cold. Dark stringy hairs stick to my forehead and slightly obscure my sight, but there is no mistaking the growing anger on Tanja’s face. The hurt behind her words.

“That’s different.”

“How?” Cold. Sharp. All things I’m so unfamiliar with finding in her voice.

“Because I’m coming back for you all!” I contest, wrapping myself in a thick towel as the winter chill begins to settle in my bones. “We are going to make a place for us where we are safe and comfortable, then I am coming back for you all.”

“Vera, has it ever crossed your mind that wearen’tcoming with you?”

“What?”

“We have families here-“

“You don’t have a family. They’re all dead.” The words leave my mouth before I can even register the flash of hurt across her face. That hurt turns into anger, and Tanja reaches into the folds of her gown before raising her hand. I flinch.

When I open my eyes, a mix of horror and disgust is evident on the woman’s face as she holds up a ring. It is simple yet elegant enough, with a small sapphire resting in the center of the golden band.

“I am engaged.” Tanja speaks slow and low. “Ruby proposed a month ago. I can’t name any other kingdom on this continent whose king would allow two women to be wed. I won’t leave Krycolis knowing I could be killed elsewhere for love. Not to mention that Ruby has family here; Torin has family here. This is our home. Forgive us for not being so willing to run away from the land that raised us.”

Her words register like a backhanded slap across my heart. Not because she’s right, but because I never knew. Never asked. Never cared. I expected her to drop everything and follow me as if I am all she has. The truth is far clearer. Tanja and Torin have people that love them. All I have is them.

“Congratulations,” I croak, the air suddenly thick and refusing to enter my lungs. Laei, I really am the worst.

“Gee, thanks, you sound enthused.” She bites back. In all my years of knowing her she never once so much as raised her voice against me, never did more than roll her eyes and bite her cheek. She had cultivated the patience of a god, and a creation of equal evil has finally broken it. My selfishness has towed the fine veil between forgiveness and spite for years, and now I’ve stumbled into spite.

Tanja tosses a towel my way. “You’d better get dressed. The guard rotation is in an hour. It’ll be your only chance until morning to get out of here.”

She slams the door before I can even find a semblance of an apology, leaving me alone in the cold tub in an even colder room.

I take my time methodically buckling every strap across my thigh, using this activity as a form of meditation.

This garter slips on here, and this buckle pins here.Snap.

This dagger settles here. Feel its cold weight. Don’t cry.

Lace your boots. Don’t shift too much weight onto that stone, it creaks. Snap. Don’t cry.

The guards rotate exactly when Torin said they would, leaving the smallest period of time to slip out. Without any hesitation, I slip into the night, letting the darkness consume my form. My fear mingles with relief.

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