“Nope. I’m perfect,” I joked, but instead of laughing, he whispered, “Sure seems that way…”
In the cover of darkness, I let his words sink in. I didn’t feel self-conscious because I knew he wouldn’t be a witness to the emotions on my face—the flattery, the excitement, the lust, and last of all, the guilt.
When you married someone, in your heart, that was it. You just knew it, they were the only person you would ever love. You didn’t plan for divorce or separation, and you certainly didn’t expect for them to die suddenly before they were even 30 years old, leaving you adrift. But life didn’t always work out how you planned.
I never dreamed that I would crave this kind of attention from another man, but I reminded myself that it was okay to think about moving on without Embry, because I was the one left behind.
10
Ben
Thingscould’vebeensuperawkward that first morning, what with my massive boner, but luckily, Kit’s giggling from the living room had Shane waking up with a gasp, and he hurried out too quickly to notice the tent I’d pitched beside him.
The second morning, he’d been the one sporting a bulge, and while I politely pretended I hadn’t seen it, I couldn’t help taking a peek. Then, of course, I’d had to hide my own.
Things only escalated from there…
The third morning, I woke up with Shane in my arms. There was zero possibility of extricating myself without waking him up, so I did what any man would do… I enjoyed it while it lasted. It felt too good, the way he fit so perfectly, like a puzzle piece I’d been missing my whole life but hadn’t noticed until just that second. And now that I’d seen the whole picture, to know I would have to live without it seemed more than unfair. I laid like that for half an hour, listening to the cute noises he made, falling in deeper with him the longer I tortured myself.
And that was exactly what this was—torture, the ultimate temptation. Shane was everything I’d ever wanted in a partner. He was fun and adventurous, brave and talented, and he’d already proven he was a great father. And he needed me. The only obstacle was that he was mourning the loss of his husband. I didn’t know how long it had been since he died, or the circumstances, and I certainly had no clue what kind of timeline it would be before Shane was ready to date again, but with his sweet scent addling my senses, I knew I would wait. It didn’t matter how long it would take; I would be here when he was ready.
Finally, he stirred, nuzzling against me, and I closed my eyes, feigning sleep. I could tell the exact moment he realized where he was. His whole body went rigid, and he had to untangle his fingers from my t-shirt, moving at a snail’s pace. I didn’t want him to feel bad for cuddling up to me, so I kept my breathing deep and even, letting him believe I hadn’t noticed. But I had to wonder… was it just habit that had him seeking me out in his sleep? Or had he enjoyed it as much as I did.
We took turns in the bathroom—which meant me going last, insisting that everyone else got priority, since they were my guests. The hot water tank was running on empty by the time I got in the shower, but it was just as well, since I most definitely needed cooling off.
Since it was the weekend, we decided to take it easy. I made waffles for breakfast, as promised, piled high with cut fruit and whipped cream I bought special for this. And if the expression of complete awe on Kit’s face wasn’t enough, the gratitude on Shane’s made it more than worth the effort.
“If you keep spoiling him, he’ll never want to leave,” Shane teased, but his words twined through me, and I had to admit to myself that the idea wasn’t at all bad.
After our lazy breakfast, I put Dmitri on the leash and let Kit take him to play in the backyard. Shane plopped himself down in the sun with a sketchpad and pencil. He barely looked down at the lines he made, his hand sweeping across the paper, with his eyes trained on his son. I watched him wordlessly, but my curiosity finally got the better of me, and I moved to sit beside him. When he didn’t shoo me away, I leaned in.
“You’re incredible,” I whispered. When his startled eyes flicked up to mine, I floundered, backtracking. “I mean, you’re an incredible artist. Truly.” It wasn’t a lie, though in my heart, I had meant so much more than that.
“Oh. Right. Thank you.” He took a deep breath, then got back to his drawing, though I could tell by the stiffness in his shoulders that he hadn’t let it go entirely.
We were interrupted when Zack stepped out on the back concrete pad, phone in hand. “I just got the call to say the pipe is all fixed. We can go home.”
Shane’s smile slipped. “That’s… great.” Was I mistaken, or did I see a hint of disappointment behind his eyes, gone too quickly to register it properly? “You’re in luck, Ben. Looks like you’ll get the rest of your weekend to yourself. We’ll pack up and get out of your hair.” Before I could invite him to stay forever, he pushed off the grass and called to Kit.
I watched, helpless, as they got ready to leave. It didn’t take them long to pack up their few belongings, though everything took longer when a six-year-old was involved.
Once they were ready to go, they made their way to the door, and Zack bent down to help Kit with his shoes.
Shane cleared his throat and pulled a piece of folded paper out of his pocket and held it out to me. “What’s this?” I asked, unfolding it. My smile bloomed when I saw the drawing of Dmitri and Kit he’d been working on. “I can keep this?”
“Of course you can. It’s a sorry way for me to show my gratitude, but I figure it’s a start.”
“Would it be rude of me to put it on the fridge?” I asked.
He laughed, his eyes sparkling. “Of course not. My fridge is reserved for only the finest of Kit’s artwork. It’s an honor.” His lips tightened as he passed me a second piece of paper. “This is probably a better thank-you.”
“A check? I told you it was free to stay with me.”
“Yeah, I know, but it’s a payment for all the work you’re doing on my house. I just got paid from the newspaper, so it shouldn’t bounce.”
“Oh. Of course. Thank you.” I stared down at that piece of paper in my hand. I folded it back up and tucked it into my shirt pocket. I would put it with the last check he’d given me, neither of which I had any intention of cashing.
“Well… I guess this is it,” Shane said, standing in front of me awkwardly, bag hiked over his shoulder.