Page 35 of Room 1212

Herb crossed his thick arms across his chest. “That seems like quite the leap you took.”

I sagged. “I know, I’m sorry. Don’t mind me. I’m sure everything is fine.” I trudged back toward the elevator, dejected, with Herb trailing behind me, probably ensuring that I left the building. “Can we… keep this between us?” I asked sheepishly.

There was a whole war of thoughts moving over his face. I suspected it was partly loyalty to his job and the residents here under his care, but there was also a bit of sympathy for me, too. “You know, I remember when I first met my husband,” he said, not unkindly. “He was seeing this other alpha, and boy, did he ever put me through the wringer. I thought I was going to lose my mind.”

“W-what? Is Jordan seeing someone else?” Not like we were dating, and he was totally free to sleep with whoever he wanted, but… Fuck! My heartrate picked up, slamming against my ribcage, and my palms prickled with sweat.

Herb seemed to realize his mistake. “Oh! No, that wasn’t what I meant at all. I just meant that when we meet that special someone, we go a little crazy. We say or do things we wouldn’t normally do, and we get all tied up in knots. Love is messed up, man.”

The elevator dinged at the main floor, and Herb stepped out, leaving me standing there, stunned. Love? Did he say love?

Before Herb could physically drag me out, I startled into action once more, a new ocean of uncertainty threatening to pull me under the surface. Did I love Jordan? Shit. I thought I did. It was never my intention to fall in love with him. This just made things so much worse, because hestilldidn’t want a relationship with me.

And it still didn’t tell me where he was or if he was okay or not.

Getting back into my car, I decided there was nothing left to do but go home and wait. Thanks to some construction, I ended up taking a detour, which took me way off course, but it wasn’t like I was in a hurry to get anywhere, so I sat back and let my mind wander.

Maybe it was time to let Jordan go. Maybe I should’ve listened to him every time he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I did this to myself. I scoffed as my eyes caught sight of a man walking down the sidewalk. I was so hung up on Jordan that I was seeing him everywhere I went.

Except…

I narrowed my eyes on the man, and as I came even with him, I twisted in my seat to get a better look at his face. He was wearing a baseball cap and a pair of aviator sunglasses, but it was him. I was sure of it! I looked forward again, nearly side-swiping the parked cars along the side of the road in the process.

Gasping, I righted the wheel while searching for a parking spot. I tried to keep one eye on Jordan in the rear-view mirror, but by the time I had parked the car and run back, he was nowhere in sight. Where could he have gone? I wandered up and down the street, stepping into a health food store and looking down the aisles. No such luck. There was a travel agent, but I couldn’t see him through the large front window. Scanning the businesses, I couldn’t figure out where he might’ve gone.

Until my gaze snagged on a large brick building. Planned Parenthood. No, that couldn’t be right, but when I tried to look away, I found I couldn’t. There were lots of reasons for someone to go to Planned Parenthood. Maybe he was getting an STI test done, or maybe just a pelvic exam. Maybe he was reconsidering taking suppressants. But none of those answers felt right. That dread I’d been trying to ignore flared up bright and hot. Planned Parenthood also offered abortions.

And as I walked toward the building, I knew it deep in my bones. Jordan was pregnant, but for how much longer?

19

Jordan

I held it together when I made my appointment over the phone. I kept the tears at bay all the way there on the drive over. I had a handle on my emotions as I walked through the door and stepped up to the counter. “Hi, I’m here for my appointment,” I told the woman behind the desk with a glance over my shoulder at the other patients in the waiting room. I kept my voice low, nearly a whisper. “Jordan Kepler.” I kept the reins held tight.

There was no sign that she’d recognized my name. She offered me a kind smile. “Certainly, Mr. Kepler. Could I please get you to fill in these forms?” She slid a clipboard across the desk. “You can have a seat in the waiting room and bring these back whenever you’re done.”

“Thank you.” I took a seat in the corner, away from the other people waiting for their own appointments.

I took a deep breath. I hadn’t made any decisions yet. I was only here for a consult to discuss my options, but I knew what I was considering. The possibility hanging out in the back of my mind like a lurking shadow. Gripping the pen tightly in my hand, I began with the easy questions. Name, date of birth, insurance number, but then I got to one that tripped me up. Emergency contact.

I used to use Sean for these things, but that wasn’t an option anymore. I couldn’t use my parents, either. I hadn’t spoken to them in years, not since I moved out when I turned 18. I didn’t really have any close friends… except Drew—but it felt wrong to put his name on this particular form too.

And just like that, my carefully constructed walls began to crumble.

On the one hand, I had my irresponsible parents who did their damnedest to ruin my childhood. The fighting, the resentment, the snide comments, the negligence. I couldn’t be that kind of parent to a child…

But on the other hand, I had Drew. Wonderful Drew. Even though his omega dad had abandoned him, he had somehow become the kind of man all alphas aspired to be. The kind of man my readers longed for. The mere thought of him made my heart beat faster. He was good and kind and patient and… loving. Love had always been as much fantasy to me as the fae and shifters I wrote about. It was a foreign concept, an impossibility. Though as unfamiliar as I was with the emotion, I felt it. I recognized it even if I’d never experienced it before. And I knew deep in my bones that Drew would never be the kind of parent who neglected his child—and he would help me be a better parent too.

I placed my palm over my stomach. This baby growing inside of me… this baby was a piece of that incredible man. Maybe they would have his hair or his eyes. Maybe they would have his heart, his kindness.

Staring down at the form in my lap, I couldn’t read the words through the tears collecting on my lashes.

“I… I can’t do this,” I gasped out. I lurched to my feet and walked back to the counter. “I’m sorry, I-I can’t.”

Some places, they would get mad at you for failing to appear for an appointment, but not here. The receptionist simply took the clipboard from me and gave me a soft smile. “That’s entirely fine, I understand. Can we offer you any other forms of support?” she asked. “Would you like to speak to one of our counsellors?”

Another offer for therapy. One of these days I was going to take them up on it… but not today. Today, I had somewhere I needed to be.

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