Page 86 of I Promise You
Something wakes me up during the night, but I don’t know what.
I’m on my stomach, face down on my pillow. I graze my hand over to the empty side of the bed, and my chest sinks to the pit of my stomach.
He’s still not home. He’s not home…in my bed because I’ve distanced myself from him.Because he’s still fucking working…
I haven’t answered his calls or texts.
He doesn’t blow up my phone, though. He only reaches out to me at the oddest hours, sometimes late at night or around three in the morning, wishing me sweet dreams.
But he knows.
He knows I’m purposefully ignoring him.
He knows there’s something wrong because he stopped trying to get a hold of me. There haven’t been any more missed alerts from him, and he should be back any day from his mission because the military ball is in a week, and we were supposed to go together.
Not anymore.
I’m still going because Violet will be there with Zeke, and she begged me to go to it since it’s her last night in town before she has to return to Texas.
I continued my daily routine, not letting the uncertainty of my relationship with Danny alter my mood and work. I made sure my mother was okay by calling her first thing in the morning as I got ready for work. I pushed through the long hours of sick patients and a grumpy boss. I would play soccer for a few hours after I made myself dinner with music blasting through my headphones until I was so tired and covered in sweat. Even through the freezing winter winds, I was able to exhaust myself and overheat.
Unsurprisingly, Danny missed Christmas. It should have been our first Christmas together. I wanted to watch his face light up when he saw that I bought him a new rifle he’s been eyeing. The uncertainty only grew more after that.
I spent the holiday with my mother a few days prior. Eating posole every Christmas was a tradition. She would make it for my brother and I. I helped her make it while we listened to Christmas music, and talked about our New Year’s plans. We finished the night off with a homemade blueberry pie I freshly baked from scratch, topped with ice cream.
I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing, and it took my happiness away. The ability to feel grateful for another day was difficult because of Danny’s absence. His absence leaves a hole in my heart and a weight on my shoulders.
Would it be like this for the next few years that he’s in the Navy?
Spending holidays without him? Not a phone call? Not even a text?
We opened up our cliché Santa Claus wrapped gifts. I got her a new watch that tracks her fitness goals. She talked aboutwanting to stay in shape and wanted some more motivation when she took her afternoon walks to the park, earlier this year.
She knitted me a blanket.
So here I am again, after another long shift at the hospital. I stopped by my mother’s place after for dinner. This time she made green spaghetti with chicken. She hadn’t made it in a while because it was hard for her. It was one of Paul’s favorite dishes, but this just meant she is starting to accept he was gone. Another leap in a good direction.
I drove home after I helped my mom clean up. After we finished eating, I washed the dishes, said goodbye, and headed back to my place.
Even the weather is different tonight.
It’s dark and rainy. It makes me reminisce about the night Danny took me to his house for our first date.
My phone starts to ring, interrupting the radio. My windshield wipers aren’t the only thing I hear anymore; instead, Danny’s phone number spreads across the display screen in the center of my car.
Two options stare back at me, and I hit the red one.
It grows quiet except for the thunder and unforgiving rain that explodes on the glass. The winds threaten to sway my vehicle. I drive by the thick trees surrounding my cottage home, eager to get into bed and sleep. I cry myself to sleep like I usually do every night since Kane’s revelation.
Nowadays, I sleep next to the Glock that Danny bought and trained me to use—waking up several times during the night because my anxiety gets the best of me.
Even though Shane is dead and Nora is in jail, I still wake up, clutching my non-existent baby bump as the Grim Reaper lingers in my head.
And then…my life turns sour again. I have the incredible shit end of the stick because now I get to worry about evil people that want to hurt me…to get to Danny.
I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but Damian might be right.
Fuck him and his ego. And fuck him for the way he treated Danny and his mother.
