Page 8 of I Promise You
I despise him because look at me now.
I’m a fucked-up mess, but Ari and our baby… they’ve made me feel like I’m deserving of a family. Something I used to think was a curse.
I was just too gone and selfish to understand it.
But when I revealed every single dark shadow that plagued me, she did something that made me realize this world isn’t such a terrible place to be in as I thought it was.
Even after I told her everything…
She stayed.
She stayed and accepted me, no questions asked.
Even when I told her about the day that haunts me and her.
One ghastly thought sits at the back of my head, knocking on my door, and I’m trying to block it out, but it’s a real possibility I’m hoping never comes true.
Our baby not making it through this.
I keep thinking about our baby.
Please don’t leave your mother and I.
Death has Shane now, but I refuse to let it consume our baby, too.
I wish our little one who holds a part of me and the woman who holds my heart hostage will also make it through this.
Our babywill make it through this.
Faith is a funny thing to me. I don’t believe in it, but I believe in fate.
After all, fate kept bringing Ari to me when I tried to fight it.
This whole time since I met her, I wanted to protect her…from myself.
And that’s when I feel a frigid breath on the back of my neck, sending icy prickles into every fiber of my bones, and my hair raises. Death is nearby, but he’s not telling me a wordthis time,leaving me in a frantic state of hope.
Now you decide to not speak? Now you don’t want to talk?
Fuck you.
But again…I’m only returned with pure silence, making every second I watch Ari asleep more painful.
One of the worst kinds of emotions to feel when you’re hoping things go your way.
Hope is like fear in some ways. An emotion tethered by trauma.
False hope is as cruel as death.
I lick my lips as I watch my little angel breathe.
Her skin is pale, almost gray, but that’s what happens when you literally meet my good friend because of all the blood she lost.
He hovered over her like the stalker that he is, eager to reap her up to Heaven, where I know she’ll be in the afterlife.
I wouldn’t let him take her from me.
I pleaded with Death because her soul isn’t his.
