Page 33 of I Promise You
His massive frame swallows the entire doorway and when I look at him, butterflies I thought had long flown away come back full circle for a short moment, and I want that feeling to stay.
Why does seeing him like this scare me yet intrigue me more?
I hate that this has been a recurring thing since my attack. I feel embarrassed my boyfriend has to continuously see me like this. Even though, with every waking terror, he’s there…he’s always there, making me feel safe. Like nothing else matters. I retreat back into my hands, where I continue to whimper.
He’s back home but the feelings from the nightmare continue to haunt my mind.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” He sits beside me on the edge of the bed and grabs my shoulders. The bed sinks underneath his massive frame while he’s hovering over me protectively.
“What took you so long?” I shout, angry. I’m being unfair, but I can’t help it. I hate being alone after everything I’ve been through. I can’t stand being alone. I know Shane’s dead, but Nora is not. What if she comes back for me?
What if Shane’s spirit still haunts me and that’s why I’m having these nightmares?
“Ari, I left when I could. I just got home when I heard you screaming. Are you having another nightmare?” he asks, rubbing my back.
I nod.
“Come here,” he orders softly.
I climb on top of him, straddling him on the bed. He holds me back tight and I can smell cigarettes mixed with his cologne, and leather seats…all over him. It smells familiar.
It smellsgood.
“They won’t stop, Danny. It won’t fucking stop. I dream the same thing over and over again,” I exclaim as a panic attack unfolds. I’m breathing hard, sucking in breath after breath, but it’s useless.
I sob against his neck, his dog tags against my cheek.
His body grows tense. He loosens his grip around my body.
“What do you dream about?” He lifts my chin to face him.
I look at him again; the light blue irises flash with concern, and he looks drained. It seems like he’s already been through one hell of a night, and I’m adding more to it.
I bite my lip as he narrows his eyes, pleading for me to tell him what I dream about.
I won’t let the trauma we’ve both been through derail our relationship. I will bottle it up. I refuse to let silly hallucinations take over me completely.
“It’s nothing, I’ll be okay.”
He holds me and doesn’t stop soothing my back. His hands snake under my shirt, and I feel his calloused palms all over my back, rubbing me up and down until, finally, the anxiety attack subsides.
“It’s not nothing. Tell me.”
I shake my head, refusing.
I don’t want to tell him how weak I am. I’m already showing him that.
I soak in every second of being in his arms like they’ll shield me from any more anxiety attacks.
As soon as I feel okay again, I get off his lap and sit beside him. I love that he doesn’t pry further. Our waists touch each other at the sides. My gaze changes from looking at his beautiful ocean eyes to his soft lips.
I need him.I need all of him.
I want to taste his tongue that’s been tainted by his cigarettes. I want him to completely devour me like he used to, even if that means it comes with pain.
I just need to feelsomething.
And that’s what Danny does to me.
