Page 26 of I Promise You
They turn toward me, and I feel like I’m about to explode and let my intrusive thoughts win.
“I love him. I’m so fucking in love with him,” I confess with a tear falling out of my eye.
“That’s a good thing, sweetie, don’t cry,” Emilia says.
I shake my head. Guilt creeps into my chest. I’m so in love with him even though he hasn’t said it. He doesn’t have to…but still. I’d like to hear those three words from the man who infuriates me.
“I’m also incredibly angry with him.”
“What? Why?” Meredith flinches, her tone baffled.
I look around my living room for the right words to say.
Danny was called into work for an emergency. His leave had just ended, and the military wasted no time jam-packing his schedule. They canceled his deployment for unknown reasons that he couldn’t tell me.
“This might be wrong of me, but I just feel like maybe he shouldn’t have started a war with Shane. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t met Nora?”
I look at them with widened eyes, confused by my admission. I’m hurt, angry because I keep replaying what I could have done for my baby to remain alive. “It’s all my fault or maybe it’s his.”
“Or maybeit’s no one’s fault. Not his, not yours. Girl, don’t do that. Please don’t do that to yourself and don’t do that to him. He was protecting you that night at El Devine. This might be harsh, but I don’t care. I’m your best friend, and you need to listen to me sometimes even though I can be a dumb ass myself. Would things have turned out differently if Paul was still here? Because he would havekilledShane that night at El Devine. And it would have been Paul starting a war.”
Emilia studies me. She’s looking at me to see if I’ll break, but I won’t. I won’t ever break again. I won’t ever let another man or woman hurt me again.
“You’re right. I know, but there’s something else.” I sigh.
Meredith’s eyes pop open, gawking at me as if I just slapped the side of her head.
“Oh God, like what?” Meredith shouts, annoyed, smacking her teeth and narrowing her brows at me. Her wine glass jolts, and it almost spills over.
We sit silently for a few seconds when a smile pulls at my lips, curving into a smirk.
A laugh escapes me uncontrollably through every breath that leaves my body, and then Emilia joins in, laughing harder.
“Like damn, how much more could there be?! Like, fuck. Your whole life sounds like a thriller movie lately,” Meredith complains through smiles.
“I know, I know…but the thing is, I can’t help but feel like he’s keeping something from me. Like a secret.”
“You think he’s cheating on you? That fucking bastard—” I cut Emilia off before her mind travels to the worst.
“No! That’s not it!” I cut in, covering Emilia’s mouth.
I trust Danny in that way. I trust him with my entire life. He would never cheat on me or betray me.
“Then what is it?” Emilia puts her hand on her waist impatiently.
I lick my lips, unsure of how to say it. I’m not ready to talk about my near-death experience. I’m not prepared to talk about losing my son. And I am not willing to talk about the hallucination just yet.
“I don’t know, but I will find out.”
It’s eleven at night, and I’m playing fucking soccer while listening to Mana on my earphones.
My little cottage house sits on three acres of land. It doesn’t come with a fence. Thick trees and bushes surround my new home, like a cabin in the woods, and it’s cozy.
Danny hasn’t returned home from work. He said he would as soon as he could leave but that something horrible was unfolding and he would fill me in in the morning. He said he’d probably come back at three a.m.
I can’t sleep when he’s not home. I’ve grown so used to being in his arms, falling asleep in them every night, that I felt like I had to distract myself from the depression that threatened to take over me every day.
Danny set up a net between two trees in my backyard so I could play whenever I felt up to it. It’s my first time trying it out, and he built it just right.
