Page 109 of I Promise You
“So here’s to Paul Alvarez. Our fallen brother, my best friend.” I blink through my blurred vision at the mention of my brother’s name.
“And tofear. Here’s to being scared. Because it is not a weakness…” He looks at me again before breaking his intense gaze and looking at his team instead. “But a fucking strength,” he roars, emptying the whiskey into the bowl.
Everyone erupts in cheer and whistles while the Admiral throws his arm over Danny’s shoulder.
Almost every sailor in this room stands up, and I’ve lost sight of Danny because of it.
I’ve been pushing away the madness that has overshadowed everything good. I want everything to return to how it was when we were in Iraq. Everything was complicated, but he made it feel simple after we both caved in.
And now?
Will it ever go back to the way it was?
I want to go back in time. I want something simple.
“Ari, you okay?”
I freeze quickly, wiping away the tears that escaped me. Tears I didn’t even know I was shedding. Violet places her hand on mine.
Zeke looks at me with curiosity flashing in his eyes before he grants me privacy, pretending he didn’t just see me.
I refuse to let my emotions dampen her last night here.
Screw this.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Everything is good. I’m just going to get some fresh air. It’s a little stuffy in here, but I’ll be back.” I wipe under my eyes, praying my mascara doesn’t run.
“Okay, if you say so. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
“Of course.” I nod with a lie of a smile.
I refuse to bother her with my problems. I want her to have a good time.
It’s the best time to leave because everyone has stood up, gathering around the bowl, drinking, and howling like a bachelor/college party.
I sigh, trying to calm myself down, but Danny’s speech, the flashback of Iraq, my brother in his coffin,my baby,makes it hard.
I’m having trouble.
I don’t need anything complicated right now.I shouldn’t wantanything complicated.
Because I want Danny, all of him, but I need to see that he wants me back, with no secrets.
I stand, walking fast, bumping into sailor after sailor until I make it through a clearing.
Sweat begins to coat my chest, and I just need tofucking breathe.
I see a glass door giving me a clear view of a fenced-in porch with snow collecting on the pillars.
I push it open desperately, flinging it open. I stumble out, tripping over my heels.
My head is buzzing. My vision begins to blur.
Damn it, the alcohol has finally caught up. I’m a lightweight, so it doesn’t surprise me when my whole body grows warm and slow.
The cold air hits me when I look at my surroundings. The night sky is littered with clouds, but it’s a crescent moon that catches my attention. It glows, and I lose myself, letting my thoughts take over.
I need to go home. I don’t want to be here if I’m going to be a downer.
