Page 64 of Diverge

“Did Grace know?” I ask.

“Don’t blame them, Billie. I asked them not to say anything to you.” He traces his finger over my arm as a moment passes between us, the silence deafening.

“What happens now?” My breath shakes as I think about what the future holds.

He sighs. “They don’t think I have much time, B.” He pauses. “They told me that ten to twenty percent of survivors relapse... I guess I’m part of that statistic.” He kisses the top of my head as I close my eyes, refusing to accept this is reality.

“It’s calledacute lymphoblastic leukemia.I did four rounds of chemo in France when I was diagnosed, and they said I was in the clear following a few tests, but I guess we don’t know how life will turn out in the end, do we?” He lets out a small chuckle.

I chew the inside of my bottom lip to stop from shaking.

“But I just got you back...” I whisper as a tear rolls down my cheek onto his chest.

“Hey...” He lifts my chin so I’m facing him. “We still have time; we just have to make the most of it.” I taste my salty tears on my tongue as he kisses me gently.

“How can you be so okay about this?” I sniffle. “Why aren’t you angry?”

“I’ve had time to accept it... I accepted the reality of death when I was diagnosed. Then when I got better, I knew I had to make things right with you, to come back to you and win you back.”

He sighs. “That was the only thing I truly wanted... you... and I thought to myself that I was lucky enough to be blessed with another chance at life to do things differently.”

He laces his fingers with mine.

“I don’t care if I die tomorrow or the next day because I’ve felt your love once more, and I will take that love with me to the next life. The only thing that makes me not want to leave is that I won’t be able to give you the life I know you want and deserve. A marriage... a family.”

“Why did you hide it from me?” I ask, and I can’t help but feel hurt, a small hint of animosity in my voice. “You had every opportunity to tell me... and you chose not to.”

“It wasn’t your burden to bear.” He doesn’t hesitate. “I would have never burdened you with it, knowing you were halfway across the world and would feel helpless just like I did. I wanted to protect you because I still loved you.” I don’t know what to say as we lay here together. “Billie, I only have one request.”

I look up to him as I stroke his cheek. “Yes?” I whisper.

“I don’t want my last moments on earth to look like this. I don’t want to sit here and wait for death.” He pauses as his eyes bore into mine. “I want you to come with me to France.” I give him a small nod, not having to think about it because I would do anything at this point to make him happy. “You should go home and get some rest.”

“No... I’m not leaving you. Not for one second.” I cling onto him like I’m clinging on to the hope that if I hug him tight enough, I can stop the cancer in its path, and we could have more time together. He caresses my face with his hand.

“It’s going to be okay, B. I promise you’re going to be okay,” he whispers. How can he be so bloody calm about this, and comfort me, and tell me I’m going to be okay? I should be the one comforting him. The minutes tick by as I lay here, breathing him in. I fight against sleep, but my eyes give in to the tiredness, pulling me into a deep rest.

When I wake an hour later, I leave a sleeping Finn and find Mr. and Mrs. Mackenzie outside in the waiting room, holding hands. Mrs. Mackenzie gives me a small smile as she heads back into Finn’s room. I take a seat across from Mr. Mackenzie, his eyes red with both sadness and tiredness.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Billie.” His voice is soft. “Finn wouldn’t allow any of us to tell you because he feared hurting you. I didn’t see it as a problem because he was healthy. He had fought the cancer in France and was in remission for so many years.”

His breath hitches, and I move seats, now sitting beside him. I place my hand on his.

“He fought really hard to beat the cancer, and all he ever talked about was how he wanted to be the healthiest version of himself to come back to you.”

My eyes water as I think of a young Finn fighting this battle alone. “We all thought he would remain healthy and that the cancer was finally out of his body...”

“When did he relapse?” I ask with a shallow breath.

“Just before Gracie’s engagement party,” he confesses, my skin going cold as ice. “We all told him he needed to tell you, and he promised he would.”

“I want to be there for him... I want to go with him to France,” I announce.

“Are you sure you’re up for this, Billie?” He places his other hand on mine. “It’ll be hard to watch.”

“He spent years fighting a battle I never knew about. I want to be there with him now. Ineedto be with him now,” I reply.

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