Page 56 of Diverge

Chapter Seventeen

Nathan

Present Day

My muscles flex asI lift the large beam over my head with the help of a couple of guys working on site. I was meant to take a day off today, but I decided to go anyway because there’s nothing else to do at home besides eat, and ever since I moved to the States, that’s all we seem to be doing. The food portions here are insanely larger than back in Australia. I couldn’t believe my eyes when we ordered a meal on our first night here.

I managed to purchase a house close to Stanford University, so Noah didn’t have to spend money for accommodations on campus. Plus, I put the house in his name because all I have wanted was for Noah to be set up in life, so now I can finally let go a little.

He’s here, in the States, with a full scholarship at Stanford. I ended up having to tell him how I got him here and what I had been doing back in Melbourne to earn as much as I did, and to say he didn’t take it well was an understatement. He couldn’t accept the sacrifice I made for him, and he made me promise I would focus on my own life now, do things that make me happy, but the truth is, I have no idea what makes me happy anymore. I don’t think I ever knew, even back in Melbourne. I was always focused on making enough money so we would be comfortable and that one day I could put Noah through college in the States so he could follow his dream of being part of the NBA.

“We’ll break in ten!” Jack calls from the top of the frame.

Carpentry is quite easy. I picked it up quite quickly after starting with Jack. I do miss MMA, but to be perfectly honest, I feel better about myself now more than ever in my life. I’m earning a living through honest means, and no one is getting hurt because of me. It's easier to sleep at night, and my hands remain bruise-free. Jack walks over to me and hands me a bottle of water.

“The wife is having a couple of friends over tonight. You’re more than welcome to join us for dinner if you’ve got nothing going on.”

Jack’s always inviting me over ever since I spent one poker night at his place and wiped their table clean. He’s fit for his age, but you can tell he’s one of those guys who doesn’t really take care of himself, and the only reason he’s not obese is because of his job. He scratches his beard speckled with grey hairs as he waits for my response.

“I’ll check with Noah if he will be home or not and let you know.” I nod.

“No problem.” He takes another swig of his water. “I still don’t know much about you, Nate.” He takes a seat on a makeshift stool. “Did you have a missus back in Australia?” His question strikes a nerve I almost forgot existed. I grit my teeth and shake my head.

“Ah come now, a good-looking fella like you, surely you had one special girl.” He waggles his eyebrows, and I take a big breath, steadying my mind.

I pushed Billie to one corner of my mind, locked her up, and only ever allow myself to look inside at night when I am alone with my thoughts. I haven’t even spoken to Noah about her, but it’s all he talks about. Every day he tells me I should call her, to thank her, but I don’t have the balls. If I hear her voice, it’ll make me want to go back, and if I go back, Joe will know and cut me up into little pieces, then feed me to his dogs. I can’t ever go back to the life I had in Melbourne; it just won’t be possible for me.

“Nah, she loves someone else,” I manage to say.

He looks sympathetic as he removes his hat. “That’s too bad.” He pauses. “Noah says she played a big part in him getting a scholarship here. She must have felt something for you to do that for your brother.”

This conversation is beginning to frustrate me. Why does he care anyway? “Yeah, she did, but things didn’t work out between us. Plus, I couldn’t leave Noah by himself.”

“Noah’s a grown adult, son. I’m sure he can walk the talk now.” His eyes focus on me again. “Maybe you should find yourself a nice woman and settle down before it’s too late.”

For fuck’s sake, I need to shut this down before I lose my temper.

“No thank you. My priority in life is my brother, and that’s not going to change.”

Sensing my frustration, Jack stands and claps a hand on my shoulder. “Priorities change in life, Nate. No one's life is completely balanced, and it’s up to you to choose your priorities every single day. From what I see, you’ve done your duty to Noah, and now is the time to re-evaluate.” He gives me another sympathetic look. “We learn things about ourselves in every stage of life. I’m in my fifties, son. I have lived and loved, and I only tell you this so you don’t waste a moment of yours hanging onto a false belief.”

He returns to work and leaves me to mull over his words. Deep down, I know he’s right. Noah is completely set up in life. Sure, he may need my guidance here and there, but the majority of my efforts have paid off. Like Jack said, I’ve done my duty to him as a brother and a caregiver, so maybe it is okay to re-evaluate. Maybe it is okay to think about me. The question is, what do I want?

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